Being Pulled In to Many Directions

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I am feeling pulled in to many different directions and having to deal with way to many upsetting emotions right now.... and I do not see an easy way out, for it is my family (sisters, nieces, husband) that is leaving me feeling this way and I am honestly just trying to help out those that are in need of help.... but I am drained.

1.) How does one say NO to a single mother with three kids, all under five, when she needs someone to watch them so that she may provide food, shelter and clothing for her family?
2.) How does one say NO to a teenager when her life is falling apart, and her own parents are only contributing to the emotional stress, and you have been the Aunt that has always been there?
3.) How do you not get mad or upset for your needs seem to be left behind.... even though this has been the nature of the beast for almost ever?
4.) How does one find their own SANITY, and keep it, when others need / want your help?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

1.) How does one say NO to a single mother with three kids, all under five, when she needs someone to watch them so that she may provide food, shelter and clothing for her family?

Saying "no" is likely one of the reasons you find yourself in such mental torment all the time...just takes one who can't say no to know one :-) You didn't marry your sister..., for you to help when you can is noble, but not at the sacrafice of your own health. I think putting boundaries on the helping is healthy..both for you and your sister...devise alternative solutions for the problem. I am sure your sisiter knows this is not a permanent situation for you, don't let it become one, then have resentment build that would make you even sicker and be unfair to your sister. Yoursister will figure it out.
2.) How does one say NO to a teenager when her life is falling apart, and her own parents are only contributing to the emotional stress, and you have been the Aunt that has always been there?

OMG teenagers need "NO" in their lives...again are you seeing a patteren with the "no" thing? You are putting yourself in the situation of keeper, when you need not be. I know it is tough, and people will have to adjust to you saying "no" but help them with finding alternatives other than relying on you, again, if they knew how this was hurting your mental health, i would think they would want you to be well.

3.) How do you not get mad or upset for your needs seem to be left behind.... even though this has been the nature of the beast for almost ever? I am thinking you would benefit from a book called "Co-Dependent No More" Again, I am seeing a pattern, only cause I have been there. Trust me people will get along, and you will not be breaking down on the inside cause you feel like your needs are not being met.

4.) How does one find their own SANITY, and keep it, when others need / want your help.

You say "no", that is how you keep your sanity. You listen to the voice that pops up and says "i don't want to do this" and instead you hear your own voice say "sure I cann help" Learn to set boundaries, people will not stop loving you even though they may not like being told no, in fact you and I really don't like to hera no either. You are totally in control of all these questions....good luck with them, and may God give you strength to say "no" when needed.

Yeah I hear all that YOU are saying and believe me I have said it to myself before, it is just so darn hard when you know that if you say NO that another may be harmed physically or emotionally....
* for I will not tell a single mother that needs someone to watch her kids NO for they have no one else (father left them & everyone else works) and if I say NO they will starve and be placed out on to the street -
* and yes while teenagers need to hear the word NO (and I say it often) I am not talking about every day NO but I am talking about when they are physically fighting with their own parents or the boyfriend has become verbally abusive and they need your help in getting out of the situation at that moment or transportation in getting to work / doctor appointments -
* I have read the books and yes while they hold good info in them they do not meet the normal every day needs that any human has as a person, regular needs and not the ones that come from always relying on another to often.... I left that theory boat long ago.

Does that help shed better light on what I am trying to say?
This is not just a case of never saying NO, for I do and often.... but is real live help being needed and it just happens to be that they all are needing at the same time, and I am being pulled / drained.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs ))))

Can ANY ONE relate.............................. ? (sigh)

i can kind of rhapsody. I'll my friends always lean on me then when i need somebody they're never around. Its hard sometimes but you just need to learn to take care of YOURSELF. YOU come first. If nobody else can be there for you, you must be able to understand that you can't do everything.

You can't always be there for everybody, and it doesn't make you a bad person or anything. It just makes you human. Nobody can do everything. They would go crazy. They will understand if you tell them you have something else going on that day.

Just remember that YOU come first. Everybody else in the world only thinks of themselves, and you should try it once in a while

I do understand... I have been where you are at now... and i dropped the ball so to speak.My medical condtition did get so severe that i had no choice BUT to say no when it seemed as if I was the ONLY answer..I was so devestated and worried!

I babysat for a young single mom but once she was approved for assistance and was able to put her children in a babysitters for a state paid fee... based on her income...i was freed of that burden.Her children were happy and so was she... and they went after the dad for support too.

There are some situations we can do nothing about but please try to take care of yourself before you become chronically ill and have to stop helping , like what happened to me.

Maybe you should take time each day or evening just to do something nice and nuturing for yourself so that you are able to keep on giving of yourself to others.

I said NO today.......................... its a start. (thx all)

I am going to go crawl into a deep dark hole today and hide..... the world has nothing for me right now, nor do the people in it.

((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))