Frustrated with my brain

So I have been pretty depressed for about 2 years. I've had my ups and downs, but lately something has made it worse. I actually feel as though I am becoming a little paranoid. This is not good, but since I noticed it I have felt a little better. I can think a little clearer and tell myself that I am just worrying too much. However, I'm just very frustrated with my brain. I feel as though it will not let me be happy. I want to be happy, so why can't I? I also think I figured out what aggravated my depression and made me feel so bad for so long. This makes me feel hopeful, but a bit worried because what if I'm wrong?

Does anyone else feel like they really want to be (and should be happy) but there is just something in your brain that is refusing to let you feel this way?

Oh yes. That's familiar. I want my mind and emotions to behave themselves. I want them to be resilient and bend to my more rational will. Well, they're not interested in what I want.

[quote=spaceid;3101230]I also think I figured out what aggravated my depression and made me feel so bad for so long. This makes me feel hopeful, but a bit worried because what if I'm wrong?

Well, what if you're right? You don't know until you try. Even if you turn out to be wrong, that's okay. At least you did something. Depression makes it so hard to do anything, so actually doing something, no matter how small, is an accomplishment!