[psylocke]

Hello everyone,
I'm new to the forum. I registered here because I'm worried about my brother. I'm trying to look for a therapist for him here in the Netherlands, but I honestly don't even know where to start. When I look for a therapist close to me on google, all I find are relationship therapists.
I think my brother needs a therapist because he has really depressing thoughts. I often talk to him, but it basically always comes down to this: he says there's not really a meaning of life, because what does it matter whether you die as a 10 year old or a 90 year old, you'll forget everything and all that has happened before means nothing. He's not very spiritual, so I can't convince him with afterlife or something. I can't really think of something to say to him, if I think about it he is kind of right. I do not agree with him though, I'd rather live till I'm 90 than to die today. I can't convince him my thoughts and that's what worries me.
He is also doing really bad with his study. He is not motivated to study at all, he really tries, I can tell. But no matter how hard he tries, he fails to study enough. He then just gets in a real negative state and he doesn't talk and just wants to be alone. This worries me, because it seems like his study is just making his state worse.
The study isn't really too hard for him, if he studied even just a little bit, he can easily pass.
I think he is depressed, but I may be wrong, as I am no expert on this. I have also heard him say that we (siblings and parents) are the only reason he wants to live. That doesn't sound very encouraging either.
And if you want to know, he is 21 years old. He has been like this for a long time.
I hope someone can help me with finding a therapist. or helping me to get me in the right direction to finding one that suits my brother.
Also I'd like to know how I can tell a therapist is good. He has been to 1 therapist, he tried it for us, but he didn't like that guy at all. He said the guy was too simple minded and didn't understand him.
That's it, if you have any questions just leave them here and I'll answer them.
Thanks for reading.

[Sam2]

Hi. I'm glad you found us. It does sound like your brother is depressed. Unfortunately I'm not familiar with your health system there. Do you have a suicide hotline? Even if no one is suicidal, they may have the name of a therapist in the area. Another source would be to call your physician and ask for the name of a therapist. I would think they would know of one or two. Going by the phone book or on line won't get you anywhere if the therapists don't tend to advertize. There is also a group online called the Samaritans that deal with depression, suicide or any problem. They are all volunteers, but they too may know of someone in your area that can help.

If your brother is having trouble with his studies, it may be secondary to his depression. Its hard to concentrate when you are depressed, and your self esteem suffers. He may not be able to concentrate right now. Once he starts getting lower grades, it probably worsens his self esteem and increases the fear of the next test. His thoughts are certainly not normal as far as the frequency. I'm sure we have all thought about the futility of life at one time or another, but if this is a constant obsession, there is something wrong and you are right to step in and try to find some help for him. 21 is way too young to be thinking about dying.

Finding a therapist that is a good match can be frustrating. Just as not everyone you meet becomes your friend, not every therapist you go to is going to be the right one. Your brother needs to find one that he is comfortable with. Therapists really aren't there to give answers so much as to guide the patient towards finding his own answers and getting to the bottom of what is bothering him. Sometimes short term medications are warranted in the beginning. If that is the case, he will need to either work with a psychiatrist, or a psychologist and his physician so he can get scripts for medication.

I hope that helped some. I'm sure you will get some more replies, and maybe someone more knowledgeble about health care in your part of the world will see your post.

Sam2

[psylocke]

Thanks a lot for your reply Sam2.
We found the first therapist for him through our physician. He also prescribed medication for my brother, but he doesn't want to use any, and I agree with him. Those pills got nasty side effects and I don't want him to be dependent on pills, neither does he.
His study is already making it worse, since he's busy with his 3rd year but he still has to pass the subjects of the first year. And he still can't manage to pass them. It really just makes him feel worse.
Thanks again for the reply.

[Leed]

Hello ~ Do you think your brother's medical doctor can help in finding a therapist? Many times a doctor will know who is a good therapist, and can refer you to one. Why not ask his doctor, and see what he thinks? Perhaps he can help.

I wish you the very best! Please let us know how things work out. Hugs, Lee

[psylocke]

The first therapist we found for him was the one his doctor recommened to him. And he really didn't like that therapist.
His studies are really making it worse, he is in his third year and he still hasn't passed the exams of his first year. This just makes him a lot more down.