[Stimpy]

Having a rough patch and hoping just writing and post will help get through the moment.
After another two years of trying again i am separated from my familly again.
My kids 13 and 16, are struggling and walking their own path.

They see to leave no real room for me in their lives. Avoiding contact and conversation after a period of warming up to me. We seem close for a while then they pull away. It usually happens after my wife and i have an issue that causes a heated situation. My wife and i always work through it and get along again but the damage to the kids is done and they pull away.They hear the words and see the pain Mom goes through and I am usually the blame/problem.
I talk to them but even though they listen and say they understand, the silent treatment starts as they deal with their emotions.
Its a roller coaster relationship for all of us.
If i'm on facebook i see they are online and hope they take the first step but it is always me, then answers are short as are the conversions. Even face to face the undercurrents and eye avoidance hurts.
The guilt can get overwhelming as can the hurt and even anger at the helplessness. I know they are protecting themselves from more pain but it seems they are also disgusted and want to make me feel worthless, like i don't deserve to be in their lives.
I do love them. I just grow tired of the hurt game we all seem to play.
I feel torn between trying to be strong and work on learning coping stratagies and just giving up on trying at all. Pain and failure...... I dont like the downside of being human.

[*woundedhealer*]

Hello Stimpy
I'm struggling with depression and understand being the bad guy. My wife seems to want to ask me questions about my depression at the worst times. I'm so down lately, and perpetually cranky. She doesn't understand, but she's trying. I hate that her asking me questions is usually perceived as interrogation. That tends to offend me. And the argument ensues.
I think I'm crap on a stick in the kid's perception, bc I'm the one starting the arguments.
It was so much easier in the hospital. There was structure, like- minded people to talk with, and I guess most of all, I was sheltered from stressful situations.

I think were going to go to support groups, her to the one for spouses of the depressed, and I'll go to the one for depression.

Maybe that would also help your situation.

woundedhealer7

Sent from my GS3.

[Stimpy]

Thanks

Even after years of understanding the "questions" subject when i feel i have clarity, i still struggle with that one.
Been asked questions when i don't have the answers or don't like what i think she is "fishing" for usually sparks frustration which is then called anger from where he is and then the borderline personality take over.

Thank you for sharing a solution.

[Sistah]

Originally Posted by Stimpy

Having a rough patch and hoping just writing and post will help get through the moment.
After another two years of trying again i am separated from my familly again.
My kids 13 and 16, are struggling and walking their own path.

They see to leave no real room for me in their lives. Avoiding contact and conversation after a period of warming up to me. We seem close for a while then they pull away. It usually happens after my wife and i have an issue that causes a heated situation. My wife and i always work through it and get along again but the damage to the kids is done and they pull away.They hear the words and see the pain Mom goes through and I am usually the blame/problem.
I talk to them but even though they listen and say they understand, the silent treatment starts as they deal with their emotions.
Its a roller coaster relationship for all of us.
If i'm on facebook i see they are online and hope they take the first step but it is always me, then answers are short as are the conversions. Even face to face the undercurrents and eye avoidance hurts.
The guilt can get overwhelming as can the hurt and even anger at the helplessness. I know they are protecting themselves from more pain but it seems they are also disgusted and want to make me feel worthless, like i don't deserve to be in their lives.
I do love them. I just grow tired of the hurt game we all seem to play.
I feel torn between trying to be strong and work on learning coping stratagies and just giving up on trying at all. Pain and failure...... I dont like the downside of being human.

That last two sentences you wrote are just like things I would say. I feel that say way. I know it is difficult for you to understand but I have a good feeling that your kids don't know how to act around you or know what to say. They probably are scared for you and feeling pretty hurt themselves. Even though I don't know any of you, I have a feeling that the kids are trying to hurt you intentionally. I would hope that all of you could have family counseling. I would also hope that the kids could be in individual counseling and some way learning coping skills that will help them on a daily basis. If that don't get good/appropriate skills things could be pretty scary. Good luck and God bless all of you. Peace

[enchanted]

Im sorry that things are so hard for you, its always such a struggle when a family splits like this, your kids are still so young and are probly so confused about whats going on and with your wife blackening you to them they are prob feeling like they are being torn between you both, but they are young and are only finding themselves still and as they get older they will begin to see things a they realy are and you guys will hopefuly have a better relationship. \my parents split when i was a kid and my dad deamonised my mam alot and this made me feel realy conflicted as i dident want to take sides, i felt alot of resentment and confusion but loved them both, maybe they are feeling similar? i hope things get better for you. message me anytime you need to talk