[Melmo]

I don't even know what to do anymore. I wake up every day hatingyself and my body. I feel hopeless because I want to be able to lose weight like I did 3 years ago but I am a failure and can't do it. I'm using food to comfort myself and for pleasure. It's like I think that food is the only thing that makes me happy so without junk food, i can't be happy. I was never
Like this before, so what the eff happened. I feel like a failure as a mother, that I'm going to eff her up completely and she's going to end up like me, ill never be able to forgive myself.
I've gained like 25 lbs in the last few months, I can't control myself and I don't know what ill do if I gain any more.
I went to work tonight and a coworker said I was depressing her, and she has never seen me so down. It's true, I've been in a really wierd mood today, I just wanted to leave, or break down crying. Don't know how I made it through the day.
I just wish I could take a medication that would make me not want to eat. I'm so fed up with my life. I'm so scared of screwing up my daughter.

[Rohag]

Hello, JustWantToBeNormal. Your desire not to harm your daughter's development reflects well on you no matter how you feel.

"I was never like this before, so what happened?" I'm tempted to say, "Depression happened." Something broke inside.

Depression may only be part of what you are experiencing. Anyone - even the depressed - who gains or loses much weight in a relatively short time should see a medical doctor. I hope your situation permits that.

[Sam2]

I'm sorry that you are feeling so awful. Weight gan that you don't want can be frustrating and upsetting. Many people use food for comfort the way others use drugs. Its a difficult habit to break. Its readily available, not illegal and unlike drugs and alcohol that you can abstain from when trying to stop, you have to eat.

I agree that seeing your Dr. is a good idea. Its not just the weight loss that is the problem, but the underlying reason for your using food for comfort. Until you can figure that out, it will be difficult for you to lose.

It might help to see a therapist about any issues that are bothering you , besides the weight loss. Many people find that joining a support group helps them lose the weight they want to lose and do it in a healthy way. Do either talk to your family physician or a therapist before you start a diet. There is no need for you to have to live in a constant state of emotional pain.

Sam2

[bharani1008]

I also agree that you would benefit from seeing a dr. If you can get some control over your depression it will be easier to control other parts of your life also. Depression can sneak up on a person and it can be so gradual that you don't notice what's happening until it is pretty bad. It can affect everything in your life and can cause self doubt, fatigue, fuzzy thinking, sleep disorders and other symptoms. That's why it would be good to get some help.
What Sam2 said about a support group would probably make things easier also.
I hope you feel better soon.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, JustWantToBeNormal. Your desire not to harm your daughter's development reflects well on you no matter how you feel.

"I was never like this before, so what happened?" I'm tempted to say, "Depression happened." Something broke inside.

Depression may only be part of what you are experiencing. Anyone - even the depressed - who gains or loses much weight in a relatively short time should see a medical doctor. I hope your situation permits that.

Rohag, I have seen my family dr multiple times. He put me on lamotrigine for depression and celexa for anxiety. I have social anxiety and I'm getting frustrated because I'm tired of feeling ao much anxiety everything I leave te house, like everyone is staring at me and judging me, I can't handle much more of this. Yesterday it was terrible.
My dr is great, he's very nice but seems somewhat misinformed or
Just not very knowledgeable about eating disorders because he makes me feel like **** for being a binge eater. He seems confused about why I would binge eat, tells me to just not buy junk food, and at my last appt he said he knew the "cure" for my eating disorder...homemade healthy ice cream made of puréed frozen bananas. I didn't know what to say, I was so frustrated that he thought it was that easy.
I asked him to refer me to a therapist or something and he did but for group therapy which is great except for my social anxiety. He also made me feel like **** when he said he didn't know of anyone that deals with binge eating, like it's something so rare that nobody has ever heard of it.
I dunno maybe I'm just overly sensitive.

[Melmo]

I really don't know how I made it through the day. I was sooo exhausted this morning. Almost zero energy. I get to work at 7:45 and find out I wasn't scheduled til 10. I almost cried right there. My
Boss found some work for me to do so I didn't have to wait around for 2 hours.
I could not focs or concentrate at all today, my brain was in a fog. I was counting money and had to restart 3 times because I kept losing count. And my feet calves and knees hurt so bad today, the day just dragged on and on.
Yesterday a coworker noticed how down I've been, so obviously it's bad because I'm really good at hiding behind a mask. I find myself smiling and making jokes even when I'm feeling depressed. These past 2 days I don't even have the energy/patience to do that. I'm thinking part if the reason for my moods could be my meds. I moved Monday, and ran out of my anxiety meds. I haven't taken any in the last few days plus have forgotten multiple times this week to take my lamotrigine. I really need to refill my prescription soon.

[Clara22]

Hi JustWantToBeNormal,
I am sorry you feel in this way. I entered a too early menopause and I started feeling like you and gaining weight (and using shopping and eating as a comfort) when the pre-menopause started. My brain was also foggy and had a lot of problems to concentrate. I 've talked to several women that experienced the same. Just to share this with you. I wish you the best