Feeling anxious

I recently got into medical school and now I'm sort of freaking out with all my unresolved issues starting school in about a month. Plus I'll be moving to a new city. The thing was that I had been pushing down my depression in order to get into medical school over the past 4 years. Now that I'm there I've felt a sense of relief and have allowed that basically catatonically depressed portion of myself up (walked around the block 4 times yesterday basically feeling nothing). I'm pretty scared about starting school but I'm also pretty smart so I think I should be able to handle the coursework. But what I really want is to be able to let out this anger inside of me, rage really. It's just I've been actively suppressing it for 27 years (parents couldn't handle me, so withdrew). Most of my anger is directed toward my parents so I think maybe moving out of their house will help me, but afraid of being homesick. Of course don't really feel like I have a home anyway.

Pollywog334

Moving out of your parent's house at your age should be a very good thing. You can handle a little homesickness. I'm surprised you're still living with them since you hate them so much??!!
It would also be good to see a therapist because medical school is tough and you're going to have to be pretty level headed to get through it.
I hope you find a nice place soon.

Just to clarify, I have lived apart from my parents but moved in with them about two years ago to save on money while applying for medical school.
I was definitely going to continue to see my therapist who I see over Skype. But haven't totally trusted him and I think that it would be horrible if I fell into a depression while at school. Stakes are a lot higher with such indebtedness. Plus, my grades really suffered while I was going through therapy in college 15 years ago, I'm afraid that might happen again. But on the other side, it seems I just cycle down into deep depressive episodes where I'm dependent on my parents again when I don't have a goal that I'm working toward.

pollywog

Say to yourself, " I forgive my parents for all", " I forgive myself for my anger" , " I accept myself as I am", "I love myself". You can say it every day in front of the mirror, and soon you believe it, feel it. Eventually you will become easier, I checked up on myself. Hold on! I believe that your depression will go away!

Congratulations on getting into medical school. That is a very big accomplishment! Do you have a pdoc?

In my view, you need to spend the money to get the anger out of your system with
a psychiatric schedule of discussions to cause the anger to fully surface and be dispelled.
It may take a while, but it's so worth it.

Doesn't the university you're attending have a counseling department available to
students? Maybe you could get the anger out that way through talking with a
physician there.

You need to do that, in my view, and as another has said to you, medical college
is a real test of endurance, so you should have your mind free and clear to absorb it
all.

Take care.