[nicolerose]

i have had some plastic surgeries in my life because i am not attractive (flat face, low chin). i stopped only because the last surgery didnt go so well and im still dealing with some issues from that, and i was afraid of a future surgery causing some issues, but otherwise i would have continued with more surgeries.

i know that it was my "choice" to have the surgeries, but i often feel angry at my parents, that i even had to go through them. my parents gave my low self-esteem. my dad, told me that i was not beautiful. (we had a conversation about what i would do with my life.. and he said something like.. its not like youre beautiful, so you have to work hard at other things to survive in the world.) and my dad would tell me things like, its the inner beauty that matters (implying that im not beautiful on the outside).
my mother didnt tell me straight out that i was ugly, but i knew that she thought the same thing, she never told me that i was beautiful or anything. she said that people are born the way they are and you cant change the way that you look, unless you go through surgery (which to me kind of implied that there was something about me that i even should change).
also my mother (who i think is pretty) married my dad who is very unattractive, and they werent even in love.

so my whole live ive just been very insecure about the way that i looked. and i am actually unattractive, like i have some features that are not considered attractive, like a wide face, flat face, very short chin, things that cannot be changed by makeup, clothes, hairstyles. some things cant even be changed by surgery. even after the surgeries that i have had, i dont think that there is that much difference.


i wish that i had parents, that said the right things to me when i was little that i did not go through with the plastic surgeries. because they are some of the things that i regret most. the last one i had a complication and i am still dealing with some issues from that.

i know i got the surgery when i was old enough to decide it myself, but still i cant help but to blame my parents for bringing me up in the way that they did that ultimately led me to get the surgery done. if i had different parents, maybe even with my same ugly face that i would not have done the surgery.

[Rohag]

Hello, Nicolerose.

Originally Posted by nicolerose

...my mother...married my dad...and they werent even in love.

Hmmm... Sounds like there's a story. Do you know it? Why did they marry?

[dlansky]

You referred to yourself as "not attractive." Please know that people are attracted to lots of different things. Physical beauty is only one factor, and it's highly subjective. A lot of guys wouldn't have seen my wife as beautiful when I met her, but she was beautiful TO ME. Part of it was her personality, and part of it was that certain factors that draw my attention just happen to be different from what might draw the attention of some other guys. Please don't write yourself off as "not attractive" just because you don't have a certain kind of appearance.

As for blaming your parents, if your parents made you feel unattractive, sure, I guess they have some responsibility for that, but what's the point to blaming them? How could your life, or even your attitude toward life, be made better by blaming your parents?

Even if you feel that plastic surgery was a bad decision, you acknowledge that it was your choice. I think recognizing our ability to make future choices to determine our own destinies is far more empowering than figuring out what role our parents might have played in past choices that we now regret.

I also don't know that plastic surgery is something I would "blame" on anyone. Although I think we value appearance far too much, if someone is born with a terribly disfigured face, I would see nothing wrong with that person choosing to have that fixed. (I had braces, partly for functional reasons, but I might have gotten them anyway since my teeth were very crooked.) Since I don't know what you looked like before, I have know idea whether I'd have thought plastic surgery was merited or not, but it doesn't matter what I think. You took a chance to try to improve an aspect of your life and, unfortunately, it didn't work out as you'd hoped. The fact that a decision didn't work out as we'd hoped doesn't necessarily mean it was a bad decision.