Can't help myself

I'm so tired of life. There is nothing that I can do to help myself recover from depression. The things that are meaningful to me are no longer an option. I like to play musical instruments and actually am quite a good amateur. However, I developed a ringing in my left ear. Playing music aggravated it, so I had to stop playing music. I like to dance. I had to stop dancing because of arthritis and a torn meniscus in my right knee. I'm only 44 and never did sports. Those were two things that gave my life a lot of meaning. Gone. I don't socialize much because of my hearing loss. Many social groups go to bars and nightclubs. Bars are too noisy, and I can't drink alcohol. I don't like to go places where alcohol is served. Other social groups are centered around physical activity, which I can't do because of my knee. How can I recover from depression when the activities I need to do to get undepressed aren't an option for me?

Not only that, but I have no libido, so the mere thought of dating is repulsive to me. I get so many side effects from my medications that I don't want to take them. I don't enjoy things that I would normally enjoy. I can barely focus on school. It's so difficult to put 2 and 2 together. I sleep 10 hours a day because of the seroquel. If I take a lesser dosage, I sleep a little less but I also get depressed. The lamictal makes me agitated, anxious and angry. My pdoc thinks it's really the bipolar and not the meds. I'm so frustrated and tired of all this crap.

Thanks for letting me vent. There's no one in my life I can talk to.

Hello, Vossie42. I have been thinking lately about how compliant a patient I've been. What have the years of compliance gained me? Maybe, maybe compliance has kept me alive, but compliance has not been curative.

I wish I knew how to get back to a little more of what was. I don't like "new normal."

Hi Vossie! are there any exercise classes in your area for people that have physical limitations? I am thinking because of your knee you would have to be careful. any kind of exercise is good, expecially outside in the sun when it's not too hot. maybe your community college might have something that you could sign up for? it seems like I have seen some yoga classes that are adapted for people with physical concerns. plus you could socialize at the same time

I can do some exercising at the gym. I can ride a bicycle for a long time so long I don't go too fast or use too much resistance. There are nice places to ride near where I live. Since I live in Florida, the weather is almost always nice. However, I sunburn easily and cannot use sunscreen because I'm allergic to all chemical sunscreens. Yes, you can be allergic to sunscreen, lol. The only thing that works for me is a sunblock with 25% zinc oxide. It goes on white and does not soak into the skin. It's also really oily and rubs off onto everything. I burn the moment I step outside. I don't go outside between 7:30 am and 7:30 pm unless I absolutely have to (i.e. school). I wasn't like this until I started taking lamotrigine (Lamictal). This really sucks.

Let's see. You live in Florida. There's a place for retirement if there ever was one!
Fishing, swimming, entertainment, boy, I envy your home state!

How about playing bridge? Have you ever done that? Learning to play it might bring
you a great deal of activity among people living there, and it can be fun if you're
with a compatible group. I have a sister who uses a scooter because of arthritis,
and she's into bridge big time.

Make an effort to extend your consciousness; learn to play some games that could
be absorbing and entertaining. Look for classes in bridge at the community centers.
You have to place yourself where people are in order to meet them and learn from
them, as you know.

Volunteer at a hospital for receptionist work or something that will bring you into
contact with people if you are a "people person".

Your mind will bend to any and all changes that you direct it to follow if you will let
it teach you new and happier things to live for.

I do wish you the best of changes for an enhanced living situation.

there's some really good ideas there! volunteering is good, I would suggest taking it slow though. I volunteer at church as much as possible but I also have to know how much I can handle. if it's too much it's not a good thing. there have been times also where I was too depressed to get out of bed and go to service (I figure God will understand) but there have been times that knowing that I was needed to help got me out of the house when I did not think I could do it. not that that will always work but so far it has