[QueenCopper]

Hello everyone! I was diagnosed with depression several years ago. My Doctor and my OBGYN have told me I will be on antidepressants for the rest of my life. I do not like taking medicine one bit to be able to function but there are several reasons why I must have them. I was molested by my cousin which eventually led to rape. I was not able to tell anyone at the time it was happening and it happened for several years. Well I found out that he has been caught as an adult molesting two girls. There could be more but there are two that I know of. As an adult it makes me panic just being around him. I start shaking, and sweating, and I have to leave the room o calm down. Everyone thinks it is because I can't handle being in small spaces with a lot of people. Well that is part of it because I feel very uncomfortable when there are to many people in one space. It is getting harder to deal with. There are triggers and nightmares that are getting really bad. I have learned that I have to deal with one thing at a time. I have not talked to my soon to be husband about this although he has asked. It is to embarrassing to me to tell him that my cousin molested me and then the same male cousin raped me. I understand we were kids but he is several years older than I am and would even apologize because it was going to hurt. I wish I knew how to deal with these feelings.

[Samanthagreene]

I'm so sorry all of that happened to you. I think you might benefit from sharing your story, or potentially confronting your cousin. It seems like these traumatic events are still shaping your life. You can even share your story online, in the abuse forum, but I think it really would help. Many survivors of abuse find it gets less hard to share the more they tell their story.
I hope this helps and things get better for you.
Also, congrats on being soon-to-be married.
-Sam

[gayleggg]

Hi QueenCopper. I agree with Samathagreene about sharing in the abuse forum. I think talking with other survivors might help. I'm sorry this happened to you. And I know it would be especially hard to have to be around this guy. Stick with counseling and you can work through it. Best wishes on your marriage.
Gayle

[QueenCopper]

Thank you!

[bharani1008]

I cannot even imagine how things are for you. I've never been abused, at least not sexually. When I hear stories like this I just see red and would like to see justice done.
The only thing I can address is the medication issue. Personally I am so very grateful that I live in an age where these medications are discovered and available. I would not be able to cope very well without them. Taking them changes my life radically. Since I consider my depression and anxiety illnesses, it doesn't trouble me to take medication over the long term. I hope you can come to see your meds as a wonderful tool to help you live your life. There is nothing shameful in using them.
In my opinion your fiance' needs to be told everything. He needs to have a chance to process everything you tell him before the marriage. If you need help maybe one of your drs. can work with you in telling him. This is a part of you. He needs to know.
Also--- if this person who assaulted you is still a part of your life then the people you mix with should be informed about him. That may be all the revenge and closure you need. Shame him in public and watch him wither. As I said--- just my opinion.
I hope you feel safe here. Post whenever you want to. We are here to listen.

[QueenCopper]

Bharani1008 you are right but I am so afraid to tell him. I have told him about the rape that happened a few years ago and that did not go well. He has a serious issue with men who do physical harm to women. He is very comforting and will just let me cry it out. I know that one reason why I am marrying him is because I feel safe with him. I have a hard time telling anyone what happened because it is family. It totally embarrasses me. He deserves to know everything but I am not strong enough to tell him.