Pain

I am still not doing well. I am still having feelings of SH/SI. I think if my mom wasn't home I would hurt myself some how. My body feels like it is shaking, but I don't seem to be really shaking.

I am hating myself and everything about me. I went to the support group but did not go in. I just couldn't make myself go in. I have never been to a group before so made I was afraid to go in.

Why can't I just stay better? Instead of this rollercoast I am on. My life is just one mess up after another. I can't seem to do anything right.

Some times I want it to all end so I don't have to be depressed anymore. I know that is not the answer but I feel that way.

I really want to hurt myself and make the pain go away, if only for a moment.

I don't feel all that safe around myself. Right now it is a good thing my mom is home, but tonite I will be alone inthe house. I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to.

If you are alone in the house, you can call the suicide hotlines--they will help with whatever harm you are thinking of.

Or come on here and write to us about things are going. Or go to the arcade and play some games or go to a chat room. (I love the chinese checkers!) That will help pass the time that you are alone.

You can make it through this--just get through an hour at a time.

I know how that feels.
When our mother leaves home, all what I can think about when I'm depressive is SI/SH.
Really I think I'd rather not write now because I'm in a bad mood.
Allie

As Allie said, we know how it feels.
My best advice is to call a hotline, or do something that makes you forget about SI/SH. I know it's difficult, but possible.
I guess there are other things that you want to do when you're alone, too. At least we use to play with our littles when we're alone at home... But I guess you don't have any alters :P
Find something! It might be hard to find, but once you have it, it can be your new coping method.
Another advice I can give you is to hold ice in your hands. It gives you some kind of pain, but it's not bad for you.
Cheers,
Lana
Lifelies

I distract.
Shows, games, PC, whatever. Writing. Reading other people's writing. Looking up random **** online. Reading, if I can concentrate. Or just getting out of the house. Whatever it takes. Call someone who understands, whether or not it's someone you know.