One step forward, two steps back

Is there any winning with this game? I can have tea and toast in the morning, but within an hour I'm nearly choking with anxiety. I try so hard to ignore, distract, just keep doing what I normally do, but it just won't go away. I get so upset that I take some Clonazepam 1 mg and 3 Tylenol #1's. After a while I can breath again. Then I get so nauseated that I'm nearly fainting and take 100 mg of Gravol. Then I feel guilty about all the drugs I've taken just to get through the day. I hate it. Why won't it leave me alone? I don't understand why it's being so hard to control this time. Sad, depressed, and hopeless.

First I think you need to allow yourself some slack. You are allowed to have bad days. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are also allowed to have good days.
Have you been to your doctor lately for a med check? I find it alarming that you are taking so many different things, & you seem to be on a drug roller coaster which it sounds like you don't like much yourself.

I think there are better ways to deal with stress, anxiety & yes, even depression. I have had to work really hard to reset my own body's clock, restore some balance and get into a healthier place, but it has been worth it.

While I still have bad days from time to time, I think overall, I feel better & in more control with few to no drugs altering my system.

I hope you can get some relief. I wish you only the best as you sort this out.

I never found a way to deal with anxiety and insomnia without medication. I tried ayurvedic, homeopathic, acupuncture and herbs. Both of my parents had the same problems so I guess I was just hardwired this way.
Everyone is different, though so maybe these other ways will work for you. I'm especially sad about the nausea. I take alprax when I get out of control even though I know it's not very good for me. But the anxiety is worse for me.
I hope you feel better soon.