[ToeJam]

Well here I am again, writing another thread and going through my thought processes:

Understanding where we are at in depression can be very hard in my opinion. There are times I am probably in need of some help in whatever form that may be but expressing it or even knowing when I’m at that stage is bewildering.

I go through times of self doubt... am I even depressed? Is this some sort of fantasy that I’ve concocted? No one seems to comprehend what I’m going through so perhaps I’m just plain weird?

On occasion I get hit with hypersensitivity, delusions, scantiness (in the form of sort of losing time... where I just don’t know what I was doing or saying) and on the very odd occasion ‘voices’ in the form of auditory hallucinations... but when I mention these things they get shrugged off. .. the big label of depression or even anxiety is thrown at me and I’m given some pills or half hearted T treatment.

Suicidal thoughts go through my head on almost a daily basis... sometimes they are brief and I can shrug them off... other times they are joined with elaborate (logical and broken down) thoughts of why it would be the best course of action... and that is harder to shrug off.

To this point I tend to guilt myself out of doing anything or I fight it with arguments that I don’t 100% believe in but may have some value: Things can get better... you’ll find a T who can actually talk you through it logically.... some giant hand will pluck you out of the crap you’re in now and life will be flowers and butterflies etc etc.

I do however also feel guilt for looking for help. Read an article in the news section of these boards about mh in the UK (specifically, the police having to step in because of cuts in the NHS when MH sufferers call asking for help due to suicidal thoughts and other reasons) and it’s put me off ever calling anyone to advise that I’m suicidal. I don’t know if this is stupid on my part but the prospects of being put in a cell for god knows how long is not in the least bit appealing and the way the matter was discussed in the BBC program that went along with it – mh sufferers are very much seen as a burden.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post anymore... but I know that a lot of the above bothers me immensely.

Do others here go through these kinds of thoughts and conflicts? Do you self analyse and try to dissect what is happening?

Would be interesting to know I’m not alone in this haha.

[Pierro]

Hello ToeJam, I too doubt my thoughts and indeed my actions at times. One question that does bother me the most if I am completely honest is: Am I getting worse? With that question I also ask: If I am, will I decend into complete madness and not even know it. Dont ever feel bad about calling the emergency services, that's what they are there for. If you are thinking about taking your own life, that is an emergency don't you think. I try to live in the moment and not think about tomorrow.That can be very depressing. Some days I can do this but most days I cant. Best wishes.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by ToeJam

but when I mention these things they get shrugged off.

Mental health care is uneven throughout the world and even within the same systems. My own psychiatrist has told me that inpatient care within the system of which he himself is a part "would not be therapeutic" for me.

In the event of a crisis, of which I've had a couple, my plan is to double-up on my antianxiety meds rather than call emergency - I have coordinated this with my pdoc. It is highly unlikely I would OD. My MH system is generous in providing medications.

That's my plan. Situation permitting, each one has to assess what their best course of action is in their own personal and health care environments. ToeJam, I can appreciate your reluctance to reach out for help in a place where you might end up in gaol.

[Fuzzybear]

"but when I mention these things they get shrugged off"

sucks indeed being fobbed off.
Grrrrrrr from a fellow Brit

You aren't alone in what you posted! It sucks when They... Who are supposed to provide "help" instead harm and hurt us...
Grrrrrrrr

Originally Posted by Rohag

Mental health care is uneven throughout the world and even within the same systems. My own psychiatrist has told me that inpatient care within the system of which he himself is a part "would not be therapeutic" for me.

In the event of a crisis, of which I've had a couple, my plan is to double-up on my antianxiety meds rather than call emergency - I have coordinated this with my pdoc. It is highly unlikely I would OD. My MH system is generous in providing medications.

That's my plan. Situation permitting, each one has to assess what their best course of action is in their own personal and health care environments. ToeJam, I can appreciate your reluctance to reach out for help in a place where you might end up in gaol.