[Phoobear]

Whenever something bad happens they first thing through my mind is always the bad thoughts. I am trying just to stay close to my son and husband just not to be alone now. But by doing that i am only thinking about myself and not his wishes to be alone for a while (we had a fight tonight). I cant tell him about it because i know how he would react. Even my son has asked me to leave him and daddy alone. That hurt me so much. What kind of person ( mom and wife) am i really. The only place where i can speak whats on my mind without being judged is here. Will i get through this night? I just want him to hold me close and tell me that we and everything would be ok but truly mean it. How to know if they really wants me and will i ever live up too my expectation being a mom and wife that actually mean something and that they cant live without me. Am i really so a bad person that even my 3 year old ask that i rather leave? They are my whole life and just the thought of being alone just too horrible that i will not make it. Sorry if this doesn't make since just wrote what was on my heart. Hope too keep safe tonight. Just need too stay in bed and not stand up

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Phoobear

Just need too stay in bed and not stand up

Do what you need to remain safe.
As best you can, do not "fight" the thoughts but let them come, acknowledge them, and let them go.

[gayleggg]

Oh Phoobear,I'm sorry you husband could not be there for you when your needed it. I know you are hurt and feel alone, but hang in there. it is sometimes hard for our families to comprehend what we are going through and what we need. I'm sure your three year old was just mimicking what he had heard from his dad. But I agree do what have to to stay safe.

[Phoobear]

My husband is always there for me but i also know how he react on certain stuff. At least i made it through the night now to be safe at work. Wish i never said a thing last night. I now have to make it right this morning in the car and i also know how he will react. But i need to do it. I agree about my son just hearing what daddy has said. During the night i ask my hubby if i could drink a sleeping tablet because i cant sleep can not stop crying ( i ask because i don't want to drink and then something happens and then its my fault) and he said no. Then i told him then i had to lay next to him so that i can calm down and luckily after a while he said ok. I hate it when i feel like this and we have to be apart ( scared that something happens and then i will carry it with me for the rest of my life ( like the time with my mom)). When will i ever learn to keep my mouth close just show what kind of person i am. Another demon that i will carry with me forever.