[jen29]

Hi everyone,

Ok just going to say what's going on and sorry if it gets to long.
I am going through a lot of different things right now. First I am having some trouble with work still. I just got a raise, and wanted to ask them why they would give me one when I have missed so much work. I have been working my shifts regularly again am just worried the anxiety is going to come back.

I started a new med a week ago. I was put on lithium for the major depression I have. Since have started the med am more suicidal and so much more depressed than usually feel. I don't know if it's the med or that I am just in a rut once again.

I also had some memories come back to me and am feeling really numb as well as depressed, don't even know if that's possible. Anyways, talked to my T about them today and I just told her it really hasn't hit me yet, I am still in shock I think. I don't know.

Also my grandma has been sick for a little over a month. She is home after being in the hospital and nursing home for a short time. My dad stays there every night because she won't let anyone else do anything for her. I miss my dad. We used to meet outside every night ( we live next door to each other) and talk and catch up on the day. Now we talk on the phone maybe once a day. I Know all of this is wearing on my dad and am afraid what is going to happen when my grandma does pas.

I don't know if any of this is making sense. I just don't know what to do with myself. There is no possible way to take time off work to get a break, I have to be there especially as the student return to school.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and if have any feedback I would appreciate it.
hugs,
jen

[fight&win]

I havent taken medications till now but I have read a lot about how the medications if inappropriate can send you lower. I hope others here clarify this point.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time and to hear about your grandma. I know you miss your dad right now but has do what he can for his mother. I was in that position. I'm sure it's hard on him, too. Congratulations on the raise. Hang in there. Changing meds is always hard. Transition is never very easy. Take it one step at a time.
Gayle

[optimize990h]

Hi jen29. It has been awhile since I have been to the chat room on a regular basis.

The new medication, job responsibilities, processing emotions related to therapy, and family concerns are all stressors that total up and make the "load" harder to pull.

Your father may need respite help just for his own mental and physical well being. Maybe the other PC members have ideas of getting your grandmother to accept this possibility that your father may need a break.

That's what feedback I can give ATM. Take care, jen29. I will keep trying to add any other ideas that are helpful for your situation.

[Onward2wards]

Jen, adjusting to a new med is definitely a load of its own, as you not only have any existing issues to deal with, your brain is trying to process things slightly differently. I find it useful to keep in mind, regarding both meds and any therapy, a "target" set of thoughts and behaviors I want to see, and I share with pdoc/T anything that is drifting further away from or closer to that over time, so I know what is working and what isn't.

[TerryL]

I just got a raise, and wanted to ask them why they would give me one when I have missed so much work.

most companies don't give raises unless it is well-deserved. they must really value you as an employee and see the goodness that is in you. but if you still want to know why you can always ask them when you think it is appropriate.

I also had some memories come back to me

wow, that sounds both scary and great. scary for the obvious reasons and great because it is such a breakthrough..i hope you can work through those memories with the help of your T and finally get some peace.

Also my grandma has been sick for a little over a month. She is home after being in the hospital and nursing home for a short time. My dad stays there every night because she won't let anyone else do anything for her. I miss my dad. We used to meet outside every night ( we live next door to each other) and talk and catch up on the day. Now we talk on the phone maybe once a day. I Know all of this is wearing on my dad and am afraid what is going to happen when my grandma does pas.

i'm sorry your grandma is sick. how wonderful you and your dad talk every day. that is really so special. you are very lucky.

hang in there jen!

[jen29]

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and feedback.

My grandma is doing better, however she is very stubborn. She is 92 and she won't do anything for anyone except my dad. It's weird, have been there with her on many occasions and ask her if she needs anything and she say's "your dad will get it" I understand tho, she is old and wants it her way.

I am hanging on by a thread here, have been able to work all week tho, am fine at work once I get there. Once I get home from work it's all dark. I am very deep in depression and only see one way out right now. I have to wait tho cause my dad's b-day is coming up and need to see if possible that can get off the lithium. Ever since I started it everyday is a huge struggle. I don't even know what am on this planet anymore. I hate me more and more everyday.

Thanks again for listening,
jen

[jen29]

I am struggling so bad

[ThisWayOut]

can you call your dr about the lithium side effects? that's not good at all, and isn't something you should necessarily try to push through. I would suggest calling their emergency line and leaving a message. the lithium might well be just a horribly wrong drug for you. If it's all as dark as it sounds to me, I would suggest calling tonight if possible, even just to leave a message. ((hugs)) I had a few meds that made me way worse than better. It's really important to have an open dialogue with your doctor around stuff like that, especially when suicidal thinking is involved. I'm the last person on the planet to try to take that "choice" away from you, but if it's being brought on by something you can easily change, please look into doing that asap. There are plenty of other meds out there to try that may not have you feeling so awful. You deserve to fell better, not worse.
I'm sorry things are so rough with your granmda being sick, and missing your dad. Maybe your could reach out to him a bit more? He may welcome the distraction from having to care for your grandma. ((hugs)) you deserve to be happy(ier) hon.

[jen29]

Thanks so much, I plan to call his office tomorrow about the lithium. I don't see his nurse for another week and don't see him for another 2 weeks.
I don't know what he will say, he may say hang on till we meet, I just don't know if can wait that long.
Thanks for the feedback to all