[puzzclar]

I was talking with my T the other day, and he mentioned with all the hard things that we have gotten into, if I needed to be hospitalized.... I turned him down saying I'm fine. Has anyone else just said that they where fine... hoping that statement would be true???

[optimize990h]

From a nonverbal aspect, sometimes I call it "my public face". For example, I am smiling, but inside it is not as good as the smile. I try to "butter up" my words with nonverbal communication.

[bharani1008]

I've said that I was fine hoping that someone would notice that I'm obviously not and invite me to talk about it. Unfortunately this has never happened

[dandylin]

Some of us who are used to rejection, have that auto response out before we even know it. It's a reflex.
I've said it knowing immediately afterward that it wasn't true. And didn't have the courage to take it back.
I think it's a real normal response, if you feel like you need to, bring up the subject next time you see your T.

[gnat]

I lie to my doctor about my mental health at almost every appt. that mental health is discussed. I know I shouldn't because I am not getting the help I need, but it's so hard to admit for me.

[puzzclar]

The other part of this, I just don't feel cared for or even about from my sister. I want to talk to her, but she doesn't spend the time actually talking to me. It's all about her. When I was hospitalized before it was well, I don't have the time to visit you, I "care" only so much.

I can see that my T does care, but I just can't stand to be hospitalized again, knowing that I'd be an inconvenience to my sister.... It seems like it's all about her. I hate it... I can't and don't feel like I can share anything with her or with my parents. And then with that it leads to more sui and si thinking. And then the fake face comes on, just hoping that someone would care enough.

[bubbleghost]

I'm terrified of being hospitalized again. Though I feel like if I needed it, I'd do it voluntarily, because I don't think anyone else would know. :/ Because I'm "fine". Of course.

[ThisWayOut]

as dandylin said, my automatic response to everyone is "I'm good" or "I'm ok" even when I have tears in my eyes and I should be admitting I'm not.
I'm sorry your sister makes you feel like an inconvenience. that's a really crappy position to be put into: care for your sister's convenience or your own health. If you feel like you would be a danger to yourself without going in, maybe you should reconsider your t's idea of going inpatient. It kinda sounds from your posts like you are leaning towards going inpatient if it wasn't for being an "inconvenience"... maybe you might benefit from a short stay?
I went a few times when I got no visits because my wife had to take care of herself, and it was a really long drive to visit me. I remember feeling really lost and alone, but at the same time it was nice not having to put on a face for her visits. I could just work on pulling myself together.
I'm sorry your family doesn't show they care. ((hugs))
Can you take your T's care and internalize that? I know it's not the same, but it's still caring for you. Maybe it can help ease some of the hurt just a tiny bit?

[puzzclar]

The other side of this is I have an audition for a symphony and that can't be postponed. Which makes it that much harder. I have the new semester starting next week... or maybe I can just talk with T a few more times this week.... maybe that will be enough. I just wish I had someone face to face that cares enough in my personal life... but Those people are hard to find.

[Luckyone21]

Admitting you need help is the first step. If you are not fine and you know that, it may be difficult but you have got to will yourself to let others help you (that's what the professionals are there for). Don't try to handle it on your own- the doctors and therapists are there because you cannot handle this all by yourself- let yourself be helped, you deserve it 100%.

[puzzclar]

The bigger issue is I have an audition tomorrow and the other piece of this is my mind is going every which way and it's harder to handle. and then I have 6 days before classes start.... SCREAM!!!!! I"ll talk with my T tomorrow and hopefully iron out a little bit.