[Grey Matter]

I am so tired. I can't find it anymore to go out of the house, let alone out of my room, to speak to others. I sleep all the time (both due to my chronic illnesses and depression), have horrendous nightmares, then stay up till the sun comes up. I can't eat. I went out with my sister yesterday and I wish I didn't because it was all so terrible and everything was moving so incredibly fast and I couldn't catch up. I just needed to get out. And when I did, I locked myself away.

Life is making less and less sense to me as of late. I cannot fathom anything anymore; let alone making steps to "recovery". It's all so damn beyond me. It's something I am never going to reach, despite how many therapy sessions, medications, etc happen. I am just so tired. So drained. I feel my bones hollow out and there is an ache that never leaves. But no one sees it. I told my mom yesterday I am not doing well and she said "well you seem fine". As in, as long as I look okay I must really be okay and just making it up.

I am just tired, done, and ready to explode and no one would care anyway.

[ThisWayOut]

((hugs))I got nothing but sending hugs your way. I can relate... Hope you can find some help before you explode.

[Rohag]

I've tried to be a compliant, cooperative patient. Years of compliance and cooperation have kept me alive, but they have not 'restored' me. The best my meds seem to do is help me not care I'm dysfunctional.

Teen Idle, when you tell your therapists and doctors that what they are doing is not working for you, how do they react?

(My observation is that most of these professionals have a distinct "progress bias," believing patients can't help but become better by attending therapy and following their directions. When confronted by contrary evidence, they either delude themselves into thinking they see actual progress, or they chide the patient for the failure to progress.)

[online user]

Sorry ;you are in bad shape now. Sorry you mother won't listen and hear what you are telling her. Please try again with the pdoc. We're pulling for you.

[Grey Matter]

My GP, and other doctors listen to me. Which is really comforting.

My T, on the other hand, as wonderful as she is (I got a new one after my old one decided to cut my meds and let me withdrawal without any warning) has this idea that if I suddenly "think" and make myself "believe" I am feeling better, I will feel better. Which in my mind is simply a case of wishful thinking. I cannot "think" my chronic illnesses feel better and have them absolve themselves, so why does this way of thinking at all connect to mental illness? When I say I am not doing better she does her best to be supportive but it seems like not much changes. It's frustrating. And between that and seeing up to 4 doctors a week; it's safe to say I am really getting to the end of my rope really fast.

[LadyShadow]

Sending hugs your way for some resolution fast.

[Grey Matter]

Thank you all. I am just going to try and keep trying but I am getting so tired. I don't even know anymore.