[csouter02]

Hi all,

My name is Chris and I am a 30 year old male. I have been suffering with depression my whole life, but lately it has been getting steadily worse. My anger is worsening by the day and my moods are souring a lot more.

I have not been able to hold down a job, finish college, maintain friendships or relationships.

I have applied myself and returned to college but suffer from mild anxiety and anger. I have gone after my dream job of becoming a fire fighter but I am afraid they will never call me.

Mostly because I turned 30 and I have not been able to finish college or find a career, I had to move back home. This took a huge toll on my self esteem. I have not had any kids or a wife and I by now I thought I would have those things.

My depression mainly started when I was 13 and my grandmother passed away. I always grew up without a father, and that took a huge toll on me as a boy.

I have never sought out treatment because of cost, and embarrasement. Friends do not understand what I go through, and constantly tell me to suck it up.

My support group is very tiny and consists of my mom and sister. My mistake make my friends think its me being an idiot and not because of depression. I am lonely a lot of the time and look at my phone when it doesn't ring for days and it brings me down.

Have any of you ever been in this situation? I want to finish college and become a fire fighter but I am afraid of failing and the pressure my family puts on me for being 30 and not having a family, career or education.

Thank you all for any help you can give me. God bless.

[gayleggg]

Glad you found Psych Central. If you are enrolled in college, they may have a clinic that has mental counseling. These clinics are usually free since you are in college. I would strongly suggest professional help, even though I understand about the issue with cost. i don't have any insurance either.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Csouter02.

Originally Posted by csouter02

I have gone after my dream job of becoming a fire fighter but I am afraid they will never call me.

Why do you fear they will never call you? Is your fear based on a specific reason, or is the fear simply an outgrowth of the depression?

Originally Posted by csouter02

Friends do not understand what I go through, and constantly tell me to suck it up.

Classic. It may contribute to feeling even more lonely, but you cannot confide in them with hopes of support.

How far along are you towards firefighter qualifications?

[kaliope]

Hi Chris
Welcome to Psych Central. You will find we have many forums here that may be of interest to you, particularly the depression forum, where you can write about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get a lot of support here. I hear you saying repeatedly that you feel you haven't done anything with your life and you fear failure due to your depression. This is all the more reason to seek out help. Most communities have clinics with reduced fee or no cost to clients in need. And as gayle said, if you are a student, you can get help thru the college. Also because of your long term depression, you can use the disabilities program at your college to get special help, like longer time to complete your work and such, so you can be successful in college. check it out. take care.