No major decisions while depressed?

Hi all, I've had depression for almost a decade now. It comes in episodes; so most of the time, I'm okay (even great at times). But when the episode hits, usually once a year or so, it's bad. It recently hit in the last month or two, and I'm miserable. I'm finding a counselor this week so that I can get some help and recover. It's a terrible feeling when it makes you feel so hopeless, like it'll never go away...but I know that I'll be okay because I've made it through every episode I've ever had.

I told my boyfriend the other night that I've been really depressed and that I'm getting help for it, and he was very supportive. He understands how it feels too. He gave me a hug and just sat there holding me while I cried it out. He's so supportive and loving, and so devoted to me. I know he'll always be here for me as I go through this and try to recover, but I just can't help but feel scared sometimes that he'll leave...like everyone always does. I keep telling myself it's just the depression saying that, because my heart says something else: that he loves me and that he'll stand by me. I don't know how to shake that scared feeling, though. I know it's not true, so why won't it go away?

I've been reading that it's best not to make any major decisions while depressed. We're supposed to be getting engaged soon - like in less than 2 months (our anniversary in October is when we were gonna do it) - and I've been growing more and more scared over the last couple weeks. I think I need to ask him if we can wait until I'm further along in recovery, or totally recovered, before we make any big decisions like that. We will get engaged someday - I just think that I need to focus on recovering right now and not on making such a big decision. I know that if we truly love each other and are meant to be together (which we both know we are), then it'll still happen someday, when it's time.

I know that depression makes it hard to enjoy things that you once loved. For instance, I love yoga - but it hasn't been enjoyable for me lately. I love blogging - but I haven't wanted to lately. I love my boyfriend dearly - but I feel disconnected in a way. I want to marry him - but it scares me to think of it right now because my depression makes it hard to be fully happy about anything. All the things I loved, I feel disconnected from. I know that if we get engaged when I'm feeling like this, I won't be able to fully enjoy it like I normally would, and I don't want that to happen. I'm not in my normal state of mind right now.

So what do y'all think? Should I talk to him about this? Is it normal to be scared about having that kind of conversation?

Hello & Welcome, Writlov14!
Yes, it is advisable to avoid making significant decisions in the midst of a depressive episode due to the skewing cognitive effects of the illness. Of course, sometimes it's unavoidable. Regarding your engagement, this is not a decision you are making on your own; you are making the decision in close consultation with a loved one, who is not depressed, yes?
Certainly. If you are planning to marry eventually, your partner would do well to have a knowledge of depression in general and of your experience of depression in particular. Something to discuss is the timing of significant events - engagement, parties, wedding, honeymoon. You may need to take into account the episodic nature of your depression and plan things for times when it is less likely the illness will interfere with your joy.
Absolutely!

He has depression too, but his isn't as bad as mine is right now I don't think. His is more from work, school, and other issues that aren't exactly mental for him, if that makes sense. At least as far as I know. Mine is totally mental. I mean the way I see it, I have no reason to actually be depressed. My life is finally good, and it feels like it's finally somewhere. So why it had to hit me right now, I have no idea, but it makes me mad

I mean getting engaged soon, getting married (hopefully next year), graduating college (hopefully still with my high grades) with honors next year, finding a job in my field next year that I love - all of those are motivations to get better, yes. But I don't know if that's what I need to focus on right now...I think I need to focus on getting better, not on hoping that those things will make me better.

I know that graduating and getting a job next year are inevitable, and I still hope that we get married next year. I'm sure my episode won't last that long. I'm hoping this will only last for a few months and then go away like it always does. I just don't want my depression to ruin such a special night, you know? That's why I feel like we should probably wait...'til like Christmas or something.

I don't know if I'm even making sense.