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  #1  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 12:13 PM
Poppy Princess Poppy Princess is offline
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Sometimes I would enjoy myself by writing, watching a movie, or reading a book. I can't seem to do any of those anymore. I can't seem to focus at all cause I'm too numb. I try writing but it feels empty and dull. Movies seem like they're not even happening. It's like all I can see is motion and color without meaning. I can't grasp the meaning of books because I can't get into it anymore. I feel like I'm losing myself and all simple pleasures.

People say to cling onto the simple things. I've always believed in this. It's always been my comfort of a small kind. What do you do when the simple things no longer mean anything you?
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  #2  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 02:11 PM
Poppy Princess Poppy Princess is offline
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I can't stop crying
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  #3  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 02:30 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy Princess View Post
What do you do when the simple things no longer mean anything you?
The agony of depression tearing away even the simple things is indescribable.
Cry, and tell to your doctor/pdoc. I don't know. I don't know.

Are you safe, Poppy Princess?
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  #4  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 02:36 PM
walking_paradox walking_paradox is offline
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I hear where you're coming from. I have the same things happening to me. It comes and goes but lately seems to be lasting for longer periods of time. I don't have any "solid" advice that I've tried and I guess since I read your post that I'm better at giving advice to others than actually seeing it when it's me.

I would try to write anyway. Set a time daily or weekly where you are suppose to just sit and write. I do this sometimes and literally just write single words expressing my feelings on a second by second basis like a flowing thought journal. I am actually a very good writer (or I was/ am sometimes) so I know it can be difficult to accept when you can't flow, or write like you used to.

Another idea I have is to keep a chart that you have to fill out about your mood and daily activities. Those things (when i actually do them) actually do seem to help, if even for a day or couple hours.

Lately I've been immersing myself in cleaning, my house is a mess because of my lack of motivation and somehow my mind has gotten to a point where once I start cleaning i become immersed and when I'm finally tired of it it feels like I accomplished something.

I don't know much about your symptoms or where your at mentally but these small things just to accomplish ANYTHING brings some of a "real" feeling back into my life.

I also just took mindfulness classes and I what I got from that is that you have to take time purposefully to reflect on "small things", like wow at least I have a bed to sleep on or I like the way I did my nails/hair whatever it may be.

Hope you find what you need to get right again.
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  #5  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 02:40 PM
Poppy Princess Poppy Princess is offline
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I'm safe right now. I wish I wasn't. I don't know anymore.

I've never been so sad as I am today.
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  #6  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 02:59 PM
Poppy Princess Poppy Princess is offline
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Thank you, paradox. I'm afraid I've been trying to accomplish too long and I already know it doesn't help. The problem is that I have accomplished them already. I've been writing, I've been cleaning my house. I clean my whole house every other day. Dirty house or clean house, I feel the same. Another thing is that the lack of motivation has not stopped me from writing. In fact, I recently finished an entire book I've been working. I took the time to polish it up too. You know, edit it and everything. Did I feel better when I was done? No, I felt just as sad. Nothing makes me feel better. It's not a lack of happiness that bothers me. It's the presence of pain. It's like depression is a person. I say, "look! I've cleaned and I've written.", and he says, "I don't care. I'm still staying here."

To be honest, I know why I'm so depressed right now but it's so personal, so deep, so important to me, so dark, that I don't even feel comfortable talking about it over the web. There's actually no one I can talk to about it. No one.
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  #7  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 04:35 PM
Poppy Princess Poppy Princess is offline
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I'd like to talk about it but I'm not sure. Maybe I should just give up.
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  #8  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 05:54 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy Princess View Post
I'd like to talk about it but I'm not sure.
Your privacy is important. Perhaps you might approach someone you know in email or private message just to discuss the possibility of discussing?
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  #9  
Old Sep 06, 2013, 07:23 PM
Poppy Princess Poppy Princess is offline
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That's the thing. I don't want my friends on here knowing about it especially.
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  #10  
Old Sep 07, 2013, 03:49 PM
Martek Martek is offline
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Sorry you feel that way, I've been in the same boat for a while I just wish I knew the reason for my depression. I hope you feel better!
  #11  
Old Sep 07, 2013, 04:42 PM
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Mrwings101 Mrwings101 is offline
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I have been trying to watch some TV as well. But as you say you just sit and stare at the screen. I have been using my ipad with the TV on in the background and try to play some puzzle games. That seems to relax me a bit. Great to do at night so you get tired pretty quick and fall a sleep.

I understand how you feel.
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  #12  
Old Sep 07, 2013, 06:16 PM
Poppy Princess Poppy Princess is offline
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Yeah, it sucks.

I feel empty all the time now. There's nothing to do when you don't want to do anything.
  #13  
Old Sep 07, 2013, 07:39 PM
persephoneves persephoneves is offline
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I don't really have any advice except I hope you feel better. That's amazing you wrote an entire book, good for you!! Now, go celebrate! But, seriously, there must be something you could do that would make you feel better at least momentarily. I was feeling really down for several days and then I just went for a run in the park and I got this sudden high which lasted a while. Maybe try doing something you don't normally do...?
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