[iamshewhoisme]

This is pretty difficult for me to talk about or even admit. I was so close to my son for years, and well, I'm going to try to make this story short, it's a hard one for me to even deal with still, I became homeless when he was 14. It wasn't out of anything any one could imagine, not drugs, nothing but just sheer coinsodence and.. as well, if you don't have a decree in anything, it's hard to make it in this world even more so as a single mom. So, I didn't know where to leave my son, reletives were not an option, so I left him with someone I "thought I could trust, to go on, he was 14 at the time it happened. I kept close contact with him, but he was very angry and understandable. Come to find out later, as it took me near two years to get back on my feet enough to have a place of my own to live in, and he did not want to live with me. The woman he stayed with, as I thought she would be a good person and thought she was a friend looking out, stabbed me in the back and well, I think she adopted him illeagally, I don't quite know what happened, but I spend five years in the small little gossip monger town, to show my son that I love him and that NOTHING OR NO ONE would ever take that away. My son became 18, went to collage, then, quit, moved back to her house again, he refused to stay with me that whole time I was there. I have to say it was PAINSTAKING in the least, kind of like taking torture because you love someone. I had a nervous breakdown and could not think or function well for a while. But, then, as I realized, being in that town was the worse thing for me, so I ended up in a relationship with a very good man, and moved to Florida. And although my son got upset at me for it, I don't regret the decision. I am much happier now tho I still don't understand what happened between us, how it happened or why. (the loss of trust that he has in me, I know ALLOT of lies and rumors flew like small towns do) I miss my son terribly and I still have bad thoughts and crazy nightmares about it. I haven't gotten into all the details of what really happened because I don't need to rehash it. I am just wondering if anyone else has had problems like this. Just needing to share? How do we survive this? I can't sort it out. So all I know is to move on and enjoy the beauty I live around. But sometimes I just can't seem to get the haunting out of my mind.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry to here that your financial circumstances caused a rift between you and your son. I live in a very small town and understand how the rumors fly. I hope with time your son will come to terms with what happened and become close to you again. Wishing you the best.

[iamshewhoisme]

thanks Gayle, I hope that one day he will grow up and understand what really happened. I know that the town had everything to do with his attitude, I can understand that when everyone you live around keeps pointing out a fact, even tho it's not true, you end up believing it to survive. I just try not to think about all this because it makes me red hot angry and I am so.. trying not to be bitter and angry.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by iamshewhoisme

I just can't seem to get the haunting out of my mind.

That's major haunting! I'm not surprised you can't get it out of your mind.

Originally Posted by iamshewhoisme

...I can understand that when everyone you live around keeps pointing out a fact, even tho it's not true, you end up believing it to survive.

True. This is going to take time, and you need to see to your own emotional well-being in the present.

Best wishes for your patience to be rewarded.

[iamshewhoisme]

I truly thank u so much Rohag for you kind words and imput. This is a very difficult thing for me to deal with, and appreciate your feedback. I have a difficult time navigating this so even tho I might not get back right away, each day I try to remember how to get here!!

[persephoneves]

Just wondering, are you keeping in touch with your son, by email or skype? Can he come to visit you in Florida? Teens generally aren't particulary good at reaching out or making efforts. Atleast I wasn't, as soon as I could, I found the furthest away university on the other side of the country and never moved closer than 3,000 miles, now I'm even further! But, I just wanted my own life I guess and I felt like she had moved on with hers (she remarried as well when I was 18). Also, I was sent away to a lock-in treatment center for a year when I was 14 andI think I was still really bitter and angry about that. But, since we have had some great chats and she has opened up to me about her life and told me details and now I've realized that she's a real person and I can talk to her and I am even considering moving closer to her. I know other mothers too who have given up their children to live with friends and family members for various reasons and it just takes time..My advice is just to keep the lines of communication open and let him know you're there and he is loved and don't forget to take care of yourself mama!

[Grey Matter]

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. Poverty has such a horrid stigma... you did the best you can. I hope he realizes this soon.

[fight&win]

Please keep talking to him and never let the communications line die. Be there for him at all times even if he rejects you. Some day he will accept you even if he believes those untrue rumours to be true. Be determined.

[iamshewhoisme]

Originally Posted by persephoneves

Just wondering, are you keeping in touch with your son, by email or skype? Can he come to visit you in Florida? Teens generally aren't particulary good at reaching out or making efforts. Atleast I wasn't, as soon as I could, I found the furthest away university on the other side of the country and never moved closer than 3,000 miles, now I'm even further! But, I just wanted my own life I guess and I felt like she had moved on with hers (she remarried as well when I was 18). Also, I was sent away to a lock-in treatment center for a year when I was 14 andI think I was still really bitter and angry about that. But, since we have had some great chats and she has opened up to me about her life and told me details and now I've realized that she's a real person and I can talk to her and I am even considering moving closer to her. I know other mothers too who have given up their children to live with friends and family members for various reasons and it just takes time..My advice is just to keep the lines of communication open and let him know you're there and he is loved and don't forget to take care of yourself mama!

I find this very interesting. I did not put my son in the situation at 14, but it all "just happened" and I know he felt as tho I moved on with my own life. The dang woman told him that, He told me allot of what she did and said. It killed me to hear that. She would talk him out of being with me when I finally scraped myself up off the sidewalk and got back on my feet.
I do talk to him btw on Facebook. And often leave him messages such as "I love you" On his pages. And the good thing is he'll leave that same message back. But we don't communicate well, and we're no where near as close as we used to be. I KNOW he's angry, but what hurts is that I can't do anything to convince him that he's wrong about how he feels. I've spent five years trying to get him to move back in with me. I believe she had him emancipated, but told others she adopted him. (Which is illegal being I never signed anything or heard of anything like that going on) I kept CONSTANT contact with him even when I was homeless. I always had a phone even if I had to sell my foodstamps to keep one turned on. I'm dealing with this, little by little, it all starts to fade away. I can't do anything about it, I just have to pray and hope that one day he will come around. He know's where I live, I can't afford to visit him, and if I did, I would have no place but a hotel to go to, and he wouldn't stay long. But one thing I found out, boys don't stay attached to their moms like girls do. But thanks so much for that information. I surely appreciate it.. it's a great comparison and helped me out tons.. thanks again ..

[iamshewhoisme]

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. Poverty has such a horrid stigma... you did the best you can. I hope he realizes this soon.

Thanks for making me laugh.. I love that little gif there... :-) and thanks for making me feel as tho I am not going crazy...LOL. even if I am, well, I've been there done that.. got the T shirt..LOL..

[iamshewhoisme]

Originally Posted by fight&win

Please keep talking to him and never let the communications line die. Be there for him at all times even if he rejects you. Some day he will accept you even if he believes those untrue rumours to be true. Be determined.

I believe you, and again, thanks so much for that. I wont stop letting him know that I am always here. He doesn't talk to me as much as he used to. It was so hard on me when I moved to that town, I spent five years in total humiliation just for him, but had a nervous breakdown after that so I had to find some way to ease my mind. I'm not happy to be so far away from him, however, I am in better straights at least for now.. thanks again..