[omofca]

I'm a terrible person. I hate myself. I can't trust people and it pushes them away. I can't even make friends because I'm socially inept. I have nobody. I feel worthless. I have nothing. I'm empty and hopeless. I just want to kill myself to end the anguish. I'm taking medication but they don't help. I want to die.

Could've written this myself...

I'm sorry.

[Brom]

I'm glad you're sharing your feelings.

[Lmats]

I'm familiar with the feeling. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Just remember though, feelings pass and depression can be beaten. Hang in there!

[Nammu]

It is really hard when you are in thar place, there are many here on PC who can relate to your predicament. I'm glad you can see that you don't really want to die, just end the pain. That is a positive in the dark place your in.

[IndieVisible]

How long have u been taking the meds?

[omofca]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

It is really hard when you are in thar place, there are many here on PC who can relate to your predicament. I'm glad you can see that you don't really want to die, just end the pain. That is a positive in the dark place your in.

Yeah, exactly. I just don't know how I will beat the depression. My future looks so bleak right now.

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

How long have u been taking the meds?

I was on 1mg of Celexa for a few months but it didn't do anything. Might've made things worse, actually. I've been on Remeron for four days now

[Touch of gray]

Medications can take several weeks to start working. But, if you're feeling so close to the edge, call your doctor. If you're seeing a family doc or a general practicioner it might be time to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or a psychiatric nurse prescriber. You may feel worthless, but in reality you are worthy of seeing a specialist.

It can help during the darkest times if you can have someone you can trust to just sit with you - not to "watch out" for you, but just be near. Or even call every so often to just listen if you want to talk. I don't have anyone I can trust like that, so when I'm feeling suicidal I just clench up in a little ball and hold on to ride it out. Sometimes it help to blast my brain with loud music. The worst of it always does pass, but then I feel like I'm recovering from brain flu for a couple days.

No one has really explained "crisis" to me - as in "if you're in crisis, call the suicide hotline or go to the emergency room." But if you start getting urges that are difficult to control it's time to go to the ER. I never have, but that's the deal I've made with my psych nurse.

Hang in there. Post when you can or just read the board. Give yourself time.

[pandarama123456789]

Firstly, you are NOT a bad person I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I -and many others on PC- understand what you're going through. I used to have a really bad social phobia, I'm not exactly over it but I was lucky enough to open myself up to a few people who've turned out to be great, supportive friends. Before them I used to not leave my house for weeks in fear of seeing other people. Its hard to let your guard down, especially if you've been hurt before.. But we are all here for you
As Touch of Gray said, medications can take a while to have their full effect. I was on Zoloft for over two months before it started to help me. In the beginning it made me mad and frustrated because I thought it should make me happy immediately and I wanted to stop them, but my therapist and mom encouraged me to stay on, so I did. I encourage you to stick with the meds, too, for a bit longer at least. Are you seeing a therapist/counselor?


We're here for you

[widowlost]

Your not worthless. You matter and I'm glad your hear. I really needed someone to post to today. I spent almost two weeks mostly sleeping . I was convinced I wanted to die and hacked off that I feel obligated to stay here. I just came from my nephews bday party. I spent the day with my own family and still i felt like i didn't belong. I despise so much about my life but i had an epifiney ( not sure spelling) when I was lying in bed the other night. I thought back ( as i often do) to five yrs ago when my husband lay dying as i was staring down the barrell of a gun. I remember from a young teen always wanting to die and hating life. And here it was my chance to leave this earth but did i beg to die, no. I begged like a dog for my life and i prayed and begged with all i had and guess what the gun jammed. I've been in so much pain losing my husband , dealing with ptsd, dealing with my now worse depression. I've asked for death many times these past five yrs. But as i lay there the other night it came to me. I don't really want to stop breathing , I just want this life i have to end. I'm not happy. In fact i am miserable. My way of life is not working for me so I have to end it. I will set out to change everything i have in my power that is reasonable to change. What I don't have in my power i will seek the help to change it. From small to big. This life will end but i will go on breathing and I hope you will go on breathing as well. Do you have a dry erase marker? Or a sticky note pad? Write positive messages on the mirror. Stuff like you matter, you deserve a life, you are beautiful etc. Read them every day. You may not beleive them at first but hopefully over time they will replace that negative voice. Again I'm glad your here. I hope i made sense,sometimes i ramble. Please keep posting. Much love and prayers, J