[koko23]

I apologize in advance if there is a topic on something similar to this...if so maybe it can be moved there by admin?

I have been dealing with this problem similar to clinical depression, but I can't say I have it, because I have yet to been officially diagnosed by a doctor. I won't get into detail with what's exactly wrong because I have already made a thread about it in the "Introduction" section.

I had one appointment exactly a week ago, and all they did was evaluate me, but did not diagnose me yet. I am very impatient with this illness, so it made me upset, but if I was in my normal state of mind, I would shrug it off and say "Okay, I will wait." I used to be very optimistic.

But I had an appointment today, and my boyfriend had 3 alarms set, and they did not go off, therefore, causing to miss the appointment. I was mad at him at first (but he didn't know I was mad), but even more mad at myself that I did not set an alarm on my own phone when I told myself last night I was going to. But my boyfriend's alarm always goes off when he sets it, so I figured I didn't need to. Just my luck. But accidents happen. I'm trying not to sound like a drama queen.

Well anyways, I got so upset that I missed the appointment, because I am sick of waiting (I have been waiting for almost 3 weeks) I ended up rescheduling and it's going to be a while. So I'm not too happy about it.

And while I was crying my eyes out, he just laid in bed falling back asleep with nothing to say.

I told my him I felt suicidal because I am losing my patience and mind....Please listen to me, I am not going to do it, and I know saying it is just as bad because it is serious, and if it ever got that bad I would call 911, but I just wanted to tell him how I felt, and he flipped out on me. I understand that he would flip out in a way, because that is nothing to play with, but this is at a point I just need his support and care. He said he could lose his job (and yes I understand that) but when that is all he is saying and not anything reassuring or positive, I feel like his job is his only concern and not thinking about actually how I feel. Just a simple statement like "I'm sorry, I'm here for you." would have made me feel a little better. I feel like he is too concerned with throwing me in the hospital because he is too busy to comfort me which is what I need right now. Maybe I am asking too much.

He used to never be this way, he was very sweet and caring. But ever since this has happened (3 weeks ago and I have been trying to keep positive for his sake) and now he just gets mad at me about things like me not being able to make a decision, because it's so hard to focus, but I can't help it. I tried to tell him I can't help this, but it's like I am talking to a wall. I feel like he thinks I do it on purpose.

He was the only one to make me feel better, but now at this point, him doing this to me isn't make it any better. I moved away from my family and friends to live with him, so I can't just go over to their house. I can't even drive because I am in bad condition. I do talk to them daily online, but only about normal things to keep me somewhat "sane" and a few of them know what's going on, but don't understand. It doesn't bother me that they don't understand, because I don't expect them to. I don't even understand what's wrong.

I just told him to go to work because he was gonna be late and he just stormed out and left without saying bye or anything. I feel like I am giving him a hard time.

I just want someone to listen and understand that is going through a similar situation.

Hi koko

wow I can understand you're under a heap of stress with this. Not only are you fighting a possible depression but your boyfriend doesn't seem to be that supportive. Sometimes it's nice to just have a hug and and someone to tell us it's going to be okay. Not everyone can give that though, because there can be a lot of fear when a loved one is suffering from mental illness..maybe he's just scared and doesn't know how to help? Some people don't (this is not excusing his behavior though).

Depression can often make us see the negative in EVERYTHING. I understand that, you're not alone. I'm a sufferer myself. I hope you can get to see someone professional so they can give you more insight into what you're going through. Just remember you have support here and you're not alone
Everything is going to be okay

[koko23]

Originally Posted by stratocaster

Hi koko

wow I can understand you're under a heap of stress with this. Not only are you fighting a possible depression but your boyfriend doesn't seem to be that supportive. Sometimes it's nice to just have a hug and and someone to tell us it's going to be okay. Not everyone can give that though, because there can be a lot of fear when a loved one is suffering from mental illness..maybe he's just scared and doesn't know how to help? Some people don't (this is not excusing his behavior though).

Depression can often make us see the negative in EVERYTHING. I understand that, you're not alone. I'm a sufferer myself. I hope you can get to see someone professional so they can give you more insight into what you're going through. Just remember you have support here and you're not alone
Everything is going to be okay

Thank you, and I have had an episode almost a year ago and he was very caring, understanding, and compassionate about it, but then I was fine for those 9 months and the episode came back and now he just gets mad at everything I do. I feel like I just stress him out, because I know his job is stressful enough and I don't get to see him that much anymore because he is always working. But when he is home, he doesn't pay much attention to me, he is always on his phone or the computer and that used to not bother me that bad, but ever since this episode came back, all I want want is just to have a simple conversation with him and he can barely do that anymore. I feel like I am being too needy, and it's frustrating.

[atomicc]

Hello koko! I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so badly and I really hope that you can receive help soon.
From my own experience I have been with a guy for three years and I've had mental illness throughout all of it. When we were first together I know that it was a struggle for him and he would often get frustrated and be unable to give me the support I needed. Over time when we learned to communicate better things became amazing and he absolutely supportive of who I am. I think that communication is a big part of this. Your boyfriend may be scared and having trouble dealing with this as well. If you feel that he is blaming you for the way you are feeling then you should tell him this.
Maybe he doesn't realize that he's not being supportive and thinks that what he's doing is the right thing. All I can tell you is that actually sitting down and telling him what you need can be really scary, but it can make things so much better in the long run.
I hope that things get better for you, dear.

[koko23]

Originally Posted by atomicc

Hello koko! I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so badly and I really hope that you can receive help soon.
From my own experience I have been with a guy for three years and I've had mental illness throughout all of it. When we were first together I know that it was a struggle for him and he would often get frustrated and be unable to give me the support I needed. Over time when we learned to communicate better things became amazing and he absolutely supportive of who I am. I think that communication is a big part of this. Your boyfriend may be scared and having trouble dealing with this as well. If you feel that he is blaming you for the way you are feeling then you should tell him this.
Maybe he doesn't realize that he's not being supportive and thinks that what he's doing is the right thing. All I can tell you is that actually sitting down and telling him what you need can be really scary, but it can make things so much better in the long run.
I hope that things get better for you, dear.

Thank you,
and you hit spot on when you said "Maybe he doesn't realize that he's not being supportive and thinks that what he's doing is the right thing." He told me this morning he did nothing wrong, and says that all the time. And I'm not saying he did anything wrong either, but he is saying he is being VERY supportive, when he only is to a certain extent and sometimes does the opposite without realizing it.

And I'm not really scared to tell him about this, I'm more annoyed, because I feel like he is just gonna sit there like a lump on a log and not say anything. I have tried explain to him multiple times, but he never has anything to say like he used to. And I will ask him for at least some kind of response, because i literally get silence, and he always says "What do you want me to say?" But I guess I just have to keep trying.