[Evan12]

Hello everyone, I'm new on here, but guess what I struggle with is self-isolation and very low self-esteem. Just simply put I just feel I don't belong and have felt this way for a very long time. I don't want to kill or hurt myself, but I have feelings at times that I wish I had never existed. I've felt this way for a long time, it's just the extent that I feel this that fluctates, some daays I feel great, others I don't. Now I do my best to not let these feelings rule my life because I know the more I dwell on these thoughts, that will bring me down a bad road, I try to hangout with friends and at times even help them too and do things I like for myself. Yet deep down I always feel this way, I keep asking myself what can I change or how can I change these feelings and have done vigorous research and have tried many different methods too. I know I'm smart, I believe that I can be more then this worthless feeling, but I really don't know how. I feel this way and tend to isolate myself, but on the other hand I know that won't solve the problem so I try to do things about these feelings. Guess I'm kind of conflicted between living as a "shadow" and isolating myself and living in the "bright sun" and just living my life. I don't expect answers from anyone, but I just want to know how/what must I do to feel like I belong? And how do I stop isolating myself like a turtle that pokes it's head out and then retreats back into shell?

Its good that you recognise those thoughts are unhelpful to you. Keep fighting them, never let them win. Have you tried CBT? It has been helpful to me.

[optimize990h]

Trying to find the positives hidden in your daily life. Like humour sometimes difficult to recognize and enjoy.

[Evan12]

I have tried seeing several therapists for a little while, but it doesn't really seem to help, however I' have been trying to implament the strategies they had taught me & they seem to help sometimes, but not all the time. I do have some friends that I can talk too and a little bit of a support network, but the way I see it is that this is a problem I'm going through, so it's only something that I can see my way out of and have been trying to make the changes to do so.