Wasn't sure where to post this - - I have bipolar but am in a SERIOUS depressive phase right now. Haven't felt this awful in a long time. I feel like the antidepressant (viibryd) hasn't done a damn thing for me, and in fact my depression just feels like it's getting worse. I see my pdoc tomorrow, so we'll see what he has to say . . .

I feel so useless and purposeless. I look forward to going to bed at night and dread getting up in the morning. I lack motivation to help myself. It's just getting harder and harder. My thoughts are all jumbled and I have difficulty just trying to decide what to do next.

I decided a few weeks ago to discontinue seeing my T because I've reached my max insurance coverage. I have the resources to continue without insurance, so I made an appointment to see him Wednesday. Don't know if that will even help, but it can't hurt I suppose.

Over the past couple of weeks, I seem to have a lump in my throat - - like the tears are just beneath the surface but come only occasionally because I'm trying to be strong.

I am not a sui risk (I know I would never do it) so there's no point in trying to get admitted to a psych hospital. I just want the pain to end. It's excruciating. I just hate my life right now. If it weren't for my unconditionally loving husband, I don't know what I'd do.

It's funny, but I do have periods of time where I actually feel like everything's going to be okay, but then the depressive thoughts just come back. I've been through serious depressions before and have always made it through somehow, but like I said, it's just getting harder and harder. I feel like I'm sinking into a deep, deep hole.

I just needed to get this out. I can't do this alone. What would I do without PC? I'd be in a world of hurt. I need this place to realize I'm not the only one struggling and suffering.

Really very sorry to hear about your pain. And I can relate to some of it. I have been teetering in/out of my darkness a lot lately. It is no fun.

Sux about your insurance battle..... And I do not want to presume about another persons financial status. What I would say to you is this... You are going through a pretty dark time. And I certainly hope you are not a sui-risk. But if there is any doubt - then you have to get help.

Hey - you can't take it with you. Might as well spend it on something that could help you LIVE life.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Really very sorry to hear about your pain. And I can relate to some of it. I have been teetering in/out of my darkness a lot lately. It is no fun.

Sux about your insurance battle..... And I do not want to presume about another persons financial status. What I would say to you is this... You are going through a pretty dark time. And I certainly hope you are not a sui-risk. But if there is any doubt - then you have to get help.

Hey - you can't take it with you. Might as well spend it on something that could help you LIVE life.

UM, thank you for your kind words and empathy. Regarding financial status, I do have the funds to pay for whatever I need. I know I'm not a sui risk b/c I really don't want to die. Just want to feel better, know what I mean? There just seems no end in sight.

I *believe* I understand what you are saying.... And I do not want to project my issues on you - I just know that "dead" feeling eventually becomes kind of dangerous for myself and if you have similar feelings - well I would be inhuman if I did not at least try to help.

Either way - Good luck to you newgal2. I hope you find some healing, some peace, something positive for you soon.