It seems to come so easily for other people, but I obsess over what to say and over what my personality is and I just have nothing to say. I feel like an empty void. I hate small talk but on the other hand I don't know what else there is to talk about. Just wondering if this is a depression thing or a social anxiety thing or both.

[RaisinGirl]

Hi there. I feel like that all the time as well. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me in particular or if it was related to my depression and social anxiety. I decided that I would not worry about it anymore. I can carry on a conversation just fine with family and friends that I have things in common with. As for coworkers, random strangers in grocery store lines, or passing acquaintances, it's not necessary for me to keep up my end of a totally pointless conversation. Sure, I'll be polite and cordial, but I refuse to feel bad if a coworker thinks I'm rude because I don't want to discuss football or the beautiful fall weather with them.

[Miss_M]

I think it could be both.
I suffered from extreme social anxiety and awkwardness for a long time and had to carefully study people who did well socially to learn what was considered appropriate. Now I can more naturally engage in conversation with people, but it is a learned skill and not innate. Sometimes thinking about what you are about to say a little less will make the conversation flow more easily. (I still hate small talk too though...)
The empty void feeling indicates depression to me. I know when I feel really bad I get a cold empty feeling inside and it feels like I'm falling into it. I don't know how you overcome that, but trying to find things that you can enjoy or distract you might help you get started.

[manwithnofriends]

You don't have to talk (much) when you go out and enjoy yourself

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

You don't have to talk (much) when you go out and enjoy yourself

Where do I go though, and how do I enjoy myself?

[LadyShadow]

I think its all about connecting with people. If you don't connect, then there will be a lot of awkward silences with nothing to talk about. Usually, when that happens, I just move on.

i don't talk most of the time.

nothing to say...

on the few ocasions i've something to say, it's usually something completely pointless or not appropriate

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Where do I go though, and how do I enjoy myself?

only you can answer that...what sorts of things do you enjoy?

I don't enjoy much.

How do I connect with people?

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I don't enjoy much.

How do I connect with people?

is their nothing at all?

maybe music/ movies?

even going somewhere once a week to play cards or something.. well it's a start

how do you connect with people?

well, once you've figured out something you like- look in your area to see if their's a club or something asociated with that

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

is their nothing at all?

maybe music/ movies?

even going somewhere once a week to play cards or something.. well it's a start

how do you connect with people?

well, once you've figured out something you like- look in your area to see if their's a club or something asociated with that

well, sure. but I don't have anything to say about that stuff.

I'm 18. I don't think I can go to a club.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

well, sure. but I don't have anything to say about that stuff.

I'm 18. I don't think I can go to a club.

i don't mean a club as in night club..

i mean kind of like a social group- i don't know what you call them.. but in england we call them clubs

perhaps their is something you'd like to learn about?

maybe the reason you never have anything to say on the topics, is because you don't know enough about them?

so would you like to learn about something

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i don't mean a club as in night club..

i mean kind of like a social group- i don't know what you call them.. but in england we call them clubs

Oh. Right. I still wouldn't have anything to say.

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

perhaps their is something you'd like to learn about?

maybe the reason you never have anything to say on the topics, is because you don't know enough about them?

so would you like to learn about something

i just don't feel genuine interest in anything.

[Miss_M]

Something that has helped my sanity a lot: try swing dancing if you can find a local group. It's surprisingly full of other people who have social problems but are friendly and welcoming anyway. The dancing gives you something to talk to people about and I find it to be a huge mood-booster for me whenever I can make it out.
Many dancers struggle socially, but they have an easier time on the dance floor because there's not much talking while you dance and you have something to talk about when you're not on the floor.
Other forms of sports or dancing might be helpful to you too, for similar reasons.

[omofca]

I can relate. Maybe it's both anxiety and depression.

And even though I've found some things I somewhat like (which I sometimes hate), it's hard for me to actually connect with people. I'm just quiet and it makes the connection awkward.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

It seems to come so easily for other people, but I obsess over what to say and over what my personality is and I just have nothing to say. I feel like an empty void. I hate small talk but on the other hand I don't know what else there is to talk about. Just wondering if this is a depression thing or a social anxiety thing or both.

I don't know the source, but I can definitely relate. I can only talk to people I know really well. For me, I do think part of it is my social anxiety disorder or depression or shyness. But, part of it is also that I just really hate trying to come up with things to say just to appease people who are uncomfortable with silence. I'm not a sports person, not much of a tv watcher, pretty much only like movies that are 30 years older than I am, don't care about pop culture, and listen to music that 99.5% of the population doesn't care about. Trying to smile and make small talk about "the game" or celebrity gossip or the new blockbuster movie just hurts my head and makes me wonder if I'm actually an alien or something.

I also tend to shut down around people who are super opinionated or who seem to demand all the attention in the room. If I'm going to have a conversation with somebody, I want to relax and converse....be talked to...not talked at. I'm trying to get better at the whole small talk thing, but not really because I want to have something to say...I just simply realize that in order to dig myself out of the situation I've created for myself and have a better life, I need to learn to interact more comfortably with the other humans.

I can totally relate to this. It is like everyone else can just talk about whatever happened in their life and make all that small talk. I just can't. It would bore people to death PLUS most small talk seems so mindless.

In fact, I have been self-employed for almost 20 years. And the very first thing I thought about when I started working for myself was "yea, now I do not have to attend those awful Christmas work parties". I hated those - painful small talk with bosses and collegues.