[ramonalee]

Im Kristen,I am 23 and have a very low self esteem of my appearance, I dated a guy a year ago who told me it doesnt matter if I work out Ill still be "ugly" 5 months ago I started dating an amazing guy, I really started falling for, I was his first girlfriend and he was 30, he also told me he was a virgin, I understood when he wanted to take that slow, I was very happy with him in the beginning, I had dinner with his parents several times, met all his friends, was his screen saver on his phone, he would take me to the movies every week and buy me flowers, I was in heaven, then out of no where it got weird, sex was always an excuse, I thought was strange because he was always touching and kissing me that maybe he was ready..we got close but still no sex, then out of nowhere it got really cold, he stopped texting me goodnight, stop calling me, stop telling me he missed me, he wouldn't touch me anymore, and was vacant with me, when I finally told him we need to break the ice and have sex he said yes, but when it came down to it, he stopped me and said he "wasnt feeling it" that hurt me so bad, I told him I feel as if he doesnt like me he started crying and said "sorry for being a weird guy, im just a weirdo" I just didnt understand, we did other stuff he was perfectly normal down there, eventually I texted him to tell him I dont think he is interested in me anymore and I dont think I can do this anymore, he came over to talk to me, he said he never had feelings for me, he felt like he was leading me on but he "cares for me" he was breaking down crying saying its the hardest thing he has ever done, I didnt understand why was he doing it? It hurts to know the reality is most likely he found someone else but that just kills me, I feel like he was lying about never having feelings about me he told me about three times in the beginning he was "falling for me"Finding someone else hurts enough but the fact that he sat there to tell me he never had feelings for me just cared for me, ripped my heart out, Im in so much pain, I dont know how to cope with it, I also feel stupid for missing him, someone please help me.

[gayleggg]

I can certainly understand why you would be hurt and crushed by him telling you that. I think he was being cruel to tell you that.

I have to admit, he was sending up red flags along the way. He obviously has trouble with intimacy, not just with you but in general. I'm sorry you had to go through this, it is his issues not you that caused this breakup.
You will have to go through the grieving process and you might want to post in the Grief Forum. I would suggest you get a counselor to help you through this as well.

[Martek]

Sorry you feel that way, my sister had a boyfriend do the same thing it turned out he had a lot of issues from his childhood. Try not to take it as being about something wrong with you it seems he is the one with the problems you are still young and will meet someone who will value you for you.

[Martha Lee]

The way you have described your relationship it dose look mean spirited on his part.
I would be heartbroken as you have expressed in eloquent detail.

All my life I've experienced intense, and sometimes painful, love relationships.

The therapist I'm currently seeing means looking deeply into reasons why. The process is bringing up repressed emotions that I'm not comfortable with.
Still, I'm determined to stay in treatment.

I agree with gaylegg about looking into the Grief Forum. I'm going to do the same.

[Clara22]

Hi Kristen,
I hope you feel better soon. It is evident that this is not about a new girl he met, it is about he has a deep problem. Unfortunately, as we have low self esteem (me too) we always think we are the reason for rejection. But, I am sure you are not the cause. Of course this event is not a good thing for you, either. This is not helping to boost your esteem. I am very sorry you have to go through this. It is good, though, that you are looking for help. I have lots of hope for you and think you will overcome this. Keep posting, please.

[Fuzzybear]