[HexJester]

All my life I've always been the good guy who got stepped on. If i did something good I was yelled at for it.Had little to no friends but, felt like a void in there presence.

I went to my brothers wedding as the best man he lost his flower handkerchief having to give up those item to him someone said
'Your like a spare tire good for when we need you'
and my massive depression attack I went somewhere private and used my hand to strike cuts on my chest to the point of blood running down and felt so much relief and I felt happy seeing all that blood spill.
When I performed my toast to the wedding couple I herd no clapping, no laughter . after that i went outside for a cigarette to listen to music on my phone. I do listen to Marilyn Manson but hearing his music made me feel happy that hollow feeling in my chest rises with happiness .

I never talked to my family about my depression coped with it .
I've never had a Girlfriend or someone personal to talk to.
I am in great shape and not overweight no eating disorders but, i thought i try and talk about it on here.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, HexJester.

Feel free to ignore this question or just keep it for thought: Did your family, and by extension the friends of your family, mold you to be their "spare tire?" Did they make you into a piece of furniture they could step on in order to "raise" themselves?

Make yourself at home, HexJester. Please keep posting.

[gayleggg]

There is still time to seek help and to find a gf. You might want to see a psychiatrist if you feel your depression is not lifting. You may need medications to lift the depression. Or see a therapist if you don't think you need meds and prefer to not take meds.

Of course. this is a great site for help and support. And you are very welcome to check out all the forums and post when you wish. Your first 5 posts are moderated so it takes a little while for them to actuall show up. After that you can also access the Social Group and the Chat room too. Glad you found us.