[CrookedSmile]

how I see it I am so depressed I think its funny

my whole life has been nothing more but continuous trying only to fail...continuous failures...I tried to keep my parents happy but failed, I tried to be a good brother and give my sisters my love and failed for it was rejected... I tried to keep a girl I was with for three years happy and failed epically...my last real relationship was a year ago and the whole reason I left her was because all I wanted in this world was to see her happy but she never was with me...pretty soon she found someone worth her time and he made her happy...it seems the only way I could succeed is to fail(if that makes any sence)...my parents are happy seeing me at the bottom, they dont want to see me being something because I was never really something...I did all I was told to do to the point the word "no" never slipped my lips but still no one was happy...I was clown who was bad at his job...pretty soon the word "worthless" became everyone's favorite word to describe me, then "idiot" and then "stupid"...pretty soon I believed i was those words then one day I just cried and cried and cried some more ...tears were coming down hard to the point I couldn't see then they just stopped...I cried all I could cry and this brought a huge smile to my face so big I couldn't help but laughing...I didn't know whether I was laughing at myself for how pathetic I was to cry all I could cry or was I laughing because no more tears slid from my face...I still don't know...I just know that now I laugh at myself all the time and I ridicule myself all the time for all the times I fail, then im sad till I think about the fact that I actually attempted to try and do something so I laugh again...now they say im being "lazy" when in reality all motivation to go on has gone and left me and my body

[manwithnofriends]

When they call you "worthless" "idiot" "stupid" "lazy" etc... it says all you need to know about them. Ignore them.

[gayleggg]

Is there someone you can talk to, like a school counselor? I don't guess your parents would consider to take you see a counselor?

It is not fair that you have had to go through all this pain alone. Just don't give up on yourself.

[CrookedSmile]

Gayleggg...I already graduated so no n my parents took me once n made me stop, saying it was too expensive and that the ppointments would take too long of a time to have me scheduled and to Manwithnofriends, how can I ignore my family..? the last time I did that I ran away and they said I am a "worthless excuse of a man who doesn't face his problems."

i shouldn't worry about those people who call you lazy etc.

they really don't understand- and they obviously don't want to

so just ignore them

[CrookedSmile]

To shattered sanity...that's exactly how I feel but I think, excuse my words, its really ****ed up because I care about everyone and no one at home can give me the common curtiosy of caring back... i give them my all to get nothing so I end up not wanting anything and yet im the weird one