[jenx]

hi my name is jenny and I just joined...I'm turning 20 this year and honestly it feels like I haven't been happy for a really long time. I vaguely remember when I stopped enjoying things two years ago and everything just sort of felt numb for me..
I recently had to stop talking to a friend because we became intimate and I couldn't deal with the emotional attachments I felt for him...we were very close and he was my support for a long time. For a past few weeks I've been feeling very very depressed and when I come home from school I feel very tired and I just lay in my bed and cry. I feel really alone and sometimes I feel like there is no hope. everyday just feels so long and I feel so lost.

[themonster7]

There's always hope, even if you can't find it right now.
I had a friend that I used to tell all of these problems too, then I realized I had fallen for her badly. I still see her once a week and will probably never tell her.

[atomicc]

I know very much what it's like to lose someone who you counted on for support, unfortunately I will never have her back. It can be tough when you feel like there is no one to count on but it will get better I promise! Maybe you can join a support group in your area and find some new friends with similar depression issues?

[gayleggg]

Hi, Jenny. Sorry you are feeling so bad. I understand. I would suggest you see a psychiatrist for an assessment. Maybe he can helpt you with medications. Also, a therapist would be good to help you work through your feelings. You are also grieving the lose of your friend; a therapist can help with your grief as well.

We also have a grief forum. you might want to post there.

[jenx]

Originally Posted by themonster7

There's always hope, even if you can't find it right now.
I had a friend that I used to tell all of these problems too, then I realized I had fallen for her badly. I still see her once a week and will probably never tell her.

Hi thanks for the reply . that really sucks for you...but maybe you should let her know how you feel so that she'll be more sensitive with your feelings? I was very close with my friend...and I felt like I loved him a lot too. But talking and seeing him just hurt me because I knew he was with other people and I felt so depressed

[findingmagicdaily]

Originally Posted by jenx

hi my name is jenny and I just joined...I'm turning 20 this year and honestly it feels like I haven't been happy for a really long time. I vaguely remember when I stopped enjoying things two years ago and everything just sort of felt numb for me..
I recently had to stop talking to a friend because we became intimate and I couldn't deal with the emotional attachments I felt for him...we were very close and he was my support for a long time. For a past few weeks I've been feeling very very depressed and when I come home from school I feel very tired and I just lay in my bed and cry. I feel really alone and sometimes I feel like there is no hope. everyday just feels so long and I feel so lost.

Hi Jenny!

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Something very similar happened to me. I realized I had given away all of my power to my "friend". I don't know your exact situation... but you might feel like he was the only person who understands you. He may have made you feel like there was something wrong with you... or maybe you felt like he was the only person who would ever care about you. The truth is, there are a lot of other people out there who will care about you and love you. It's easy to put blinders on and not see other potential friends.

As women, we often give our whole heart and soul to the people we love and then we get upset when the same love isn't given back to us. This isn't your fault. It just means you put too much love into the wrong person.

I would suggest you start taking your power back. Do you remember what you like to do? I was sleeping with a "friend" who was also my boss, I volunteered through him, we had the same friends, and I wanted way more than he did in terms of a relationship. I put so much into him that I lost myself completely. Again, I don't know your situation or if this is even what happened with you but if it is, then take the time to really get to know yourself again.

You said you're in school... are there clubs you can join? It might be a little challenging in the beginning to feel close to new people, but just give it some time. It's ok to be sad and take the time you need to grieve the relationship that you wished would have happened but didn't. Don't think it is something you did or didn't do. he just wasn't the right person for your love and devotion and that's ok. You will find someone who is. But not if you sit in your room crying. In fact, the last thing you want to do right now is try to find a relationship. You're probably sad because you forgot who you are.

I started meditating and that really helped me. You can do a meditation program or just search youtube for meditation music and listen to different ones until you find some that sounds really nice for you. I also started going to church but if church isn't your thing, yoga or a non-profit group that helps a cause you're really into is fine, too.

You can be happy again. You just have to let go of what you thought you wanted but didn't get and start focusing on yourself, your community, and family and friends if you have them. It's easy to think that no one will love you when you get like this, but I promise the love you need most is the love for yourself... so start finding ways to love yourself. Hope this helps. Hugs.