[cmesxx]

I've been depressed since I was 13 years old. I recently moved away from home to go to university, I am now 18 years old. My whole life changed drastically in August. New city, new school, and now I'm living alone in an apartment with my boyfriend. I should be really happy, but the fact is, I'm not. I feel so lost. My boyfriend is making friends, and he's so happy with everything. I haven't made one new friend, I hate where I work, and I just.. I'm finding it hard to keep living. I've told my boyfriend of these problems and he knows about my self-harm. But he doesn't know what it's like. I just need someone to understand what I'm going through. I just- kind of- need a friend. You know?

[Nerak67]

I also have a lot of trouble making friends so I understand. Have you seen a therapist for your self harm? I recommend it.

[cmesxx]

I've seen 2 therapists in the span of 4 years. The last one I told that I harmed myself told me that my problems didn't seem so bad. Which was kind of ridiculous.

cmesxx..... The "normals" (as I like to call them) can certain have the ability to have empathy for people like us. BUT - I will never believe they can truly understand us.

(IMO) There is no way reading a bunch of college books will give a therapist the ability to truly / personally know depression. To understand us self-harmers. To be able to appropriately and safely guide us. They can apply theories, they can state statistics. But WE understand that as humans - each one of us is different, with different pasts and different abilities to copy and different skills at coping..........

If I were your therapist (which I am totalllllllllllllllly unqualified for - so consider that fact). I would say yes - you do need to find some friends. If you have any religious inclinations - I would suggest you join a church (methodist are very welcoming, baptists are awesome and inviting). Then join a few clubs there - I guarentee you will find some friends there (and if they are good Christians - they do not "judge" - they embrace). Maybe do some volunteer work (again you will run into some good hearted people.

Lastly (and I kinda hate saying this - but I will).... IN MY OPINION (which isn't worth much)... but IMO - if your bf is not understanding and supportive of WHO YOU ARE.... Then I am sorry, he is not for you. Sounds harsh. But better off to know now than to think he will adapt those abilities - sounds like a receipe for a lot of pain down the road.

Good luck - and God bless you.

[ToeJam]

In addition to what useless me said, I am an atheist but I still became involved in our universities chaplaincy... These places are welcoming to all and are usually full of educated people of faith so you will be welcomed for you rather than what you believe in (it's about mutual respect). Met my wife from ours.

I don't necessarily agree with useless me on the bf front though (in this case he might be right but I have a different view) You're both young and understanding come from experience... Only you can be the judge of the following but if he has qualities you love and respect then see how it goes... If he's trying to understand and support you then that is a positive.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I would suggest maybe looking for another therapist. there may be some services offered through your school. I disagree with Useless Me about T's not necessarily being able to understand. While a person may not have been in that boat, their experience and training can make up for a lack of 1st-person understanding. They can also help support you in your struggles. (also, you never know what a T has been through. they may not disclose a history of depression, but they may well have one).
I would also suggest looking for clubs and social venues if you are up for it. Is there anything that interests you? even if you don't necessarily start that activity in order to make friends, it can come with the territory. Study groups are good ways to meet people, as is just hanging out at a coffee shop on campus or someplace where other students may frequent.
I'm glad you at least have your bf around and you are not totally alone. Could you tag along with his friends at times? I'm not the best at making friends very easily, but I hang out with my wife and her friends. Eventually I find a few people I connect with that way, and wind up with people I can call friends. It's not quite the same, but I know I'm socially awkward, so this is the best way I can find to get connections.
I hope you can find some support.

[AFDakota77]

At this point you are at, you need way better than a therapist, talk therapy is not enough, the most experienced help will be a psychiatrist, the only mental health provider who knows human brains better than anyone. But they are human, you got to find the one that works for you best.

Meds are needed to stabilize the brain so T can help, but the unstable brain needs meds to operate in a more receptive mode.

If you had high blood pressure, you would take meds for it, right ?

Well, same thing applies to needed meds for the brain, it is not our fault our brains need meds to function most effectively. It is a medical condition just like diabetes and high blood pressure. Just a larger challenge to fix.

Originally Posted by ToeJam

.... I don't necessarily agree with useless me on the bf front though (in this case he might be right but I have a different view) You're both young and understanding come from experience... Only you can be the judge of the following but if he has qualities you love and respect then see how it goes... If he's trying to understand and support you then that is a positive.

Toe - Everyone has the right to their opinion. (btw very happy you found someone special in that group). As for the bf-thing..... I think you stated what I intended on saying in MUCH better form.

Thanks