[anjelmarie]

I dont know where to begin and dont want to babble. Its not a suicide post but im having strong feelings of wanting to end my misery. im going thru so much and have no support. My bf cant handle my many illnesses including the depression and my neediness because im away from family since i moved to be with him. He withdraws is angry and just not there for me. I think he may have some issues himself. He may even be depressed. My family socalled friends are busy with own lives. They dont want to know my pain dont want to worry or be involved. They either change subject say a cliche phrase or say something insensitive. I dont bother to reach out. My therapist i had for 5 years left recently in midst of my feeling like im coming unglued. This new person just isnt her. Her ways just make me feel worse. I feel she doesnt get me and im just another case. My other t. Seemed genuinely concerned she would tell me to vent on her voice mail whenever i wanted to. She beleived me when i told her things and didnt judge me. I feel i have no one now. My living situation is a nightmare. Im being harrassed day and night. I cant sleep at night take nap during day or just watch tv ot read in peace. Nonstop noise on purpose for revenge cause i complained. And its the landlords i think they want us out. We are broke living check to check no savings. Im on disability am home all the time. How can we move with no money. We barely can afford this dump but im used to it and the neighborhood now if we go to another bad neighborhood in worse situation i wont be able to handle it. I feel i have zero options. I cant take it here. I have no kids, my bf and i are together for convenience were not a couple in love at least im not and he acts like i disgust him. Why am i even here. Tomorrow i see t. I told her monday i didnt want to be here. I dont want to be hospitalized i went to crisis once in e.r. and they treated me horribly. i wont go. They cant help me find decent housing i can afford on my own. they cant help me with my finances. They cant make me healthy. They cant do a thing for me. I dont no why im on here i know nobody likes to here things like this. I caynt tell people they get upset. I dont no what to do though. I cant take my life i cant. Sorry i ended up babbling afterall and for a long time. Sorry about any typos im not good at touch phones.

[anjelmarie]

Well thanks for the hugs. I guess nobody knows what to say on here either. I thought i could talk about my suicidal feelngs with people who may relate. Kind of depressng to see big fat 0.

Good morning to you AnjelMarie.

You sound like you are in a very difficult situation and I doubt I can offer any *real* words of wisdom. But here is my 2 cent opinion (overvalued at 2 cents)...

1. Are you on meds? Sounds like you really should be. And if not - please do not tell me about the cost - MANY meds (in the US at least) can and are free for those with low/no income. So start here.

2. Be honest and be blunt with your therapist. They can not help you if you are parsing your words or hiding stuff because you are uncomfortable really laying everything on the table.

3. (hope I am not overstepping to much - and you can certainly ignore me) I think you need to move out with your bf. Either find some gfs that would let you move in, or MAKE some gfs that you can live with, or parents or pretty much ANYONE who is sweet, understanding and not be another low point of your day. I am sorry if this sounds cruel - but do you REALLY want to spend the next fifty years with someone that you do not really even like very much? Nobody wants to live a life like that.

I hope this helps you somehow. I will pray for you (not just words, I really will pray for you). Good luck and God bless you.

[Fuzzybear]

[Rohag]

Hello, Anjelmarie.

Originally Posted by anjelmarie

They cant help me find decent housing i can afford on my own. they cant help me with my finances. They cant make me healthy. They cant do a thing for me.

Who are "they?" Are you thinking of just the therapist and medical folks, or have you tried your local social services and come up empty? 2-1-1 (United Way/AIRS)?