[don964964]

I had a major melt down Saturday ... the worst one I have had I think.
so in the midst of Saturday night , with all the emotion and scared lost and the visions of , I don't know how to explain vision or illusions or dellusions. so sunday was a numbness of blank trying to be logical then going into massive depressed state . I now am on day 2 of self help, I have to stop this pain this lose of self this panic this insane in my head... I only broke a handful of times yesterday and once today .. ..
I have to heal myself of this ..
I did talk with a lady and she was how can I say , I said nothing to her at all, just superfisial conversation , then she pauses and says to me all these things , I sat there listening "stund by what she was saying to me. when she finished , tears running down my face , all I could say was how can you know this ? you are the only one who see and understand what is going on with me head .
it was then I voud to self help with all I have in me to ban the evil that has stolen my power my soul my mind . I will have it all back soon !
how did she know ?? a seer ?

[kaliope]

some people are just intuitive and good listeners. they are able to read between the lines and see the pain we are suffering. you are fortunate to have found such a soul. I am glad she helped you out of your dark space. take care.

[don964964]

kaliope
thanks yes she knew....
its been rough today .. I have come close so many times ,,, I refuse to let myself down...
you know when the bird of death is telling you to do it. and you want to , and plan it , just don't want to be here no more ! ?
then a pain in your chest your teeth /jaw hurts .. your arm is numb it hurts .. your going light headed .... its fear .. it is fear of actualy dying !
it tends to put your mind in another frame .....
yeah shoulda got my ars to the er but didn't and wont .
it is some evil tugging , pokeing , pushing .....
well it must leave it must go away ,, and only the good stay in life .. the terrible thoughts are there but they cant hurt no more ! I refuse to let them hurt me any longer they must go now

[don964964]

this is not as easy as I expected.
bad today I don't know what I am doing or why
I need help

[too SHy]

Do you make lists? One thing that helps me is I make a list of everything that I am grateful for. Like I'm still alive, Gas in the car, I have a good warm jacket, etc. anything at all you can think of. Little by little, it helps.

[don964964]

well a week tomorrow..
last couple days been ok . a few moments here and there .
the bird is sitting there but she hasn't peaked or pushed
I will beat this I will win this battle !!
there is joy in the pain and there is pain in the pleasure , but it must be accepted and life moves on , with freedom from the evil ones that have hovered over me for so long ... and I thank them for if it was not for there pushing so hard at me , would I have found the way to get my self back !

then as I keep my journal and look back , I will post my success on that page !!

.

[avlady]

Good Luck i'm happy for you!!!