Suicidal thoughts but not suicidal

I am not suicidal, have never seriously considered killing myself and wouldn't do that to my family, especially my daughter. But. I've been having thoughts if suicide. Throwing myself in front of traffic, off a bridge, etc. the thoughts come and go and most of the time I try to think about something else but now that I seem to be getting more and more depressed, I seem to be thinking more and more about it and it doesn't disturb or bother me. Anyone else feel like this?

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I have these thoughts constantly and I don't want to die. Mine is related to my ocd, maybe it's something you should ask your t about?

Sometimes I get visions, like flashes, of me killing myself in various ways. They don't really bother me and they often come at very sad times, I'd actually argue that they are quite comforting... I also think I'd never do it though, I just don't have the guts even in the worst of times and I don't really want to die.

Affirmations are big in self help groups. I have my own variation stolen from Albert Camus: "I could kill myself, or have a cup of coffee."

Sometimes knowing I have a choice is comforting, giving me an ultimate sense of control even when management of day-to-day things isn't so easy.

Just a thought. I want very much to live. I can't swear though that I'll always want to, if life keeps getting as hard as it's getting with age.

I can definitely relate to this. I think about it almost daily though I'm not suicidal. In fact, I'm doing my utmost to stay alive. I fight with every fiber of my being. I don't think I want to die but I still think about it.

I've got two different kinds of suicidal thoughts though. One which I suspect is caused by my OCD and one which I suspect is caused by my depression. Thoughts like throwing myself in front of traffic, through the window/off the building, overdosing on medication etc and worrying about whether or not I could do it or whether or not I want to do it is probably OCD. I reckon the other thoughts (thoughts such as "I hate my life", "I don't deserve to live", "perhaps I should just kill myself" etc) are a result of deep depression, despair and desperation.

The more depressed and stressed I am the more these thoughts (both kinds) enter my mind. Seems like it's similar to what you experience. You're not alone.

Have you talked to anyone about your suicidal thoughts?

I have only told one person about these thoughts, a new neighbour I met a few months ago. She has ADHD, bipolar and OCD so I feel more comfortable talking to get about stuff than anyone else. I'm too ashamed and embarrassed to talk about anything like that with anyone else. I'm paranoid that if I admit I have these thoughts, my daughter could possibly be taken from me even though I would never act on any of these thoughts.

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Feel like this?? Yes, pretty much every commute to and from work.

Hang in there!

Indeed. I have zero intention of killing myself but do sometimes find myself thinking about it, and death in general. Not with any intention of doing it but just sort of exploring the idea out of curiosity. Then I feel weird for thinking about it. I also get urges to jump off buildings and stuff haha that just makes me laugh though. In a weird way it is in those moments that I feel most alive.

I like to think that I am quite comfortable with the concept of death and not afraid of it. I try to tell myself that if I was going to die then I would be able to accept it and be at peace. However, the few times I did think that I was about to die, I was not able to be at peace. The truth is that it is terrifying. I felt like my mission here wasn't complete and I was just begging for some more time. It wasn't so much fear, more a feeling of failure and a waste of what I could have gone on to achieve. I felt like the evil in the universe had prevailed in the final battle and everything that I had worked towards would be lost. It felt like all hope was about to be extinguished once and for all.

Given the choice between life and death, I would always choose life. While there is life, there is hope.

I have these thoughts almost constantly then feel bad for having them. Don't know if I would actually do it but sometimes think the hurt would go away if I did. I feel like a fraud saying I have a plan then not following through.

I haven't had suicidal thoughts since my last suicide attempt. I consider this a big victory for myself.

However, I do have intrusive thoughts randomly when I'm angry or things are just not going right about being dead or disappearing off the face of the earth.

I was taught a neat little trick that helps sometimes. When a thought crosses my mind, I immediately acknowledge it, validate it, then replace it with a positive thought. Such as trying to quickly name 5 things that you're thankful for, or things that I'm looking at that strike me, or something similar to that. Sometimes I even try to think of several cute nicknames for my dog, and that gets me thinking about something else, and will push those clouds away for at least a little bit.

Me too