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  #1  
Old Oct 31, 2013, 10:39 PM
Yuujin Yuujin is offline
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Location: Pennsylvania
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I've been alone most of my life, no friends until high school, and only a handful all the way up to college. For a few years now, every time anything negative or bad in particular has happened, I can't control my thinking and all that I can visualize is all of the ways I could commit suicide. I'm a very visual person, I see vivid in my imagination, and it isn't pretty. Aside from thinking I was even a failure at suicide back then, it really sucks to have to deal with it when any little negative thing happens. I don't really have any self esteem, and feel like I'm going nowhere. I'm happy around my friends most of the time and I always wear my smile unless it's just a bad day. The worst part is though, I feel passively suicidal, hoping, even wishing that something extremely bad would happen to me to end it. I feel as though I deserve it and nothing less, and the problem is that I'm extremely careless with my actions during that time. I ignore all senses of danger, making something actually more likely to happen to me. I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself without actively giving it a try. I am highly stressed now after starting college and I was this way years before college, it's safe to say all of the new stress isn't helping. I've always been told that only a crazy person would commit suicide, and I know I'm sane, but I am still alive. And if I'm sane then I shouldn't need help or something like that. I don't really have a question, and I haven't seen a psychologist, I think I just want help. I just got into a relationship, more stress, but I really don't want any of this to ruin it...
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  #2  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 01:50 AM
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optimize990h optimize990h is offline
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Hello, Yuujin(it that from an anime series?)


Depression?

Well, you need to see if the college's student services has any counseling services that would be helpful. It is important you can get a focused therapeutic plan that will guide and motivate you through these stressors. e,g, a therapist

You can also return to post your thoughts or questions in the appropriate forum for feedback.
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  #3  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 07:11 AM
Yuujin Yuujin is offline
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Thanks for the advice optimize, I hadn't thought of that. And Yuujin just means friend in Japanese, not from an anime that I know.
  #4  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 10:20 AM
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gayleggg gayleggg is offline
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Yuujin. I agree that counseling would be a good idea to help you sort out these feelings. They can help you work on the issues you are having. Good luck.
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  #5  
Old Nov 03, 2013, 03:17 AM
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optimize990h optimize990h is offline
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And in between therapist appts, if you feel a need to chat you can PM a few familiar avatar names to see who has time to chat with you online here at PC forums.
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