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  #1  
Old Nov 09, 2013, 08:26 PM
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ToeJam ToeJam is offline
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Seeing my Gp probably for the last time on Monday. Been feeling very apathetic about things this weekend and though I'm showing the below letter to the doc I guess I'm hoping for some moral support from you guys.

Each day just feels harder and harder to get through when the dips hit and I'm trying so damn hard to keep my chin up and stay hopeful that something will come from the upcoming t sessions. The letter though is I guess an expression of how futile I think that will in fact be

"Had a rough week last week with Friday being particularly bad... Suicidal thoughts up until mid afternoon and then just emptiness. Over the weekend I've just felt apathetic and thinking that looking for help is futile. These ups and downs (particularly the downs) are never going to change. The meds don't seem to be doing anything (and for the last few days I've been querying the point in them completely). This long wait to see a T has been hard... And again I'm not expecting much from it... Just a few months of circle jerk to be fobbed off again and sent on my way.

Trying to take each day at a time but it's getting harder and harder to just keep going."

Anyway goodnight all and thanks for reading... Off to bed.
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Last gp appointment till I see the T on the 18th

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  #2  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 08:15 AM
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ToeJam ToeJam is offline
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Well, I guess I shouldn't have expected any feedback

:shrug: Have a good Sunday all
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  #3  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 09:31 AM
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Pierro Pierro is offline
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Are u on any meds at the moment TJ. Its hard to give somebody advice when I feel the same way.
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  #4  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 11:27 AM
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ToeJam ToeJam is offline
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Yeah, citalopram 40mg... Don't seem to be doing anything for me though and the only reason I do take them is down to the side effects if I don't.

And yeah I understand that others are in the same boat. Just feeling particularly alone this weekend and it hurt a little to have no replies after 12 hours. I appreciate that you made the effort though.
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  #5  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 11:29 AM
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atomicc atomicc is offline
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I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless and I wish there was more I could say to make it better. I hope that there is a happy ending for you and I'm here if you ever want to talk.
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  #6  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 02:28 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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((((((( ToeJam! )))))))

It's a hard-hitting letter, and so probably exactly what your GP needs to see. As possible, update it just before the appointment.

Your post was probably sitting right there in front of my eyes, but I never saw it. Why didn't I notice? Depressive apathy infecting my mind? I don't know.

You are not going to that appointment alone...
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  #7  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 02:31 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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(((((((((( TJ )))))))))))
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  #8  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 02:38 PM
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ToeJam ToeJam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
((((((( ToeJam! )))))))

It's a hard-hitting letter, and so probably exactly what your GP needs to see. As possible, update it just before the appointment.

Your post was probably sitting right there in front of my eyes, but I never saw it. Why didn't I notice? Depressive apathy infecting my mind? I don't know.

You are not going to that appointment alone...
Thanks Rohag...

I can very much relate to depressive apathy right now. I'll probably hand it to him as is... just starting to give up on the whole process tbh.

Meh, sorry... I'm in a real downer today
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  #9  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 02:44 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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grrrrrrrrrrrr I'm a downer so I'm with you

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Last edited by Fuzzybear; Nov 10, 2013 at 02:59 PM.
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  #10  
Old Nov 10, 2013, 02:58 PM
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shelbykay shelbykay is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToeJam View Post
"Had a rough week last week with Friday being particularly bad... Suicidal thoughts up until mid afternoon and then just emptiness. Over the weekend I've just felt apathetic and thinking that looking for help is futile. These ups and downs (particularly the downs) are never going to change. The meds don't seem to be doing anything (and for the last few days I've been querying the point in them completely)."


If you change Friday to Saturday in the above, I could have written it. I'm sorry things are so hard. I hope seeing a therapist is a positive thing and that it's helpful. There is no quick fix for this, but I hope the therapist can help you chip away at the issues behind the depression. It's a slow and painful process; I keep telling myself it is worth it, though.
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  #11  
Old Nov 11, 2013, 03:44 AM
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ToeJam ToeJam is offline
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Saw the Dr this morning.

Is changing my medication: Reducing citalopram (weening off) from 40mg to 20mg and starting me on a course of Mirtazapine 15mg.

Wants to see me in 2 weeks. Read my letter above and understood my concerns… advised that the T’s they have now are better trained; they had put in a complaint regarding the ones they’d have previously… that I’m to put more faith into the sessions this time and in order for them to help me I’ve got to actually talk and open up rather than shut down and give it up as a waste of time before it starts as they definitely won’t be able to help in that scenario.

Advised that they have the capacity to refer me to more specialised professionals if needed (this was unprompted) and if necessary hospital treatment.

So yeah that’s the update.

Going to do my best to take each day at a time till next Monday… I know it’s going to be hard since the supervisor is off work for 2 weeks… and we’re down to 2 people (in an office that should have a min of 4) so the pressure is on and I can’t slip or my colleague will drown under the strain (she's relatively new and has little to no idea about my procedures or work load)

Bit blank and empty this morning… can work with that… at least not overwhelmed with despair.
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Last gp appointment till I see the T on the 18th

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Last edited by ToeJam; Nov 11, 2013 at 05:00 AM.
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  #12  
Old Nov 11, 2013, 11:49 AM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToeJam View Post
advised that the T’s they have now are better trained; they had put in a complaint regarding the ones they’d have previously
Super! The doctors listened to their patients and took action. That's encouraging.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToeJam View Post
the pressure is on and I can’t slip or my colleague will drown under the strain

In the midst of your struggle you are concerned for the well-being of your colleague - this reflects great credit on you.

Two challenging weeks... Understaffed work, adjusting to a new med regime, and the depression itself (& etc.)...

Keeping you in my best thoughts
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  #13  
Old Nov 11, 2013, 01:12 PM
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ToeJam ToeJam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
Super! The doctors listened to their patients and took action. That's encouraging.

In the midst of your struggle you are concerned for the well-being of your colleague - this reflects great credit on you.

Two challenging weeks... Understaffed work, adjusting to a new med regime, and the depression itself (& etc.)...

Keeping you in my best thoughts
Thanks Rohag.

Perhaps against my better judgement I gave the girl I work with the heads up that things are a bit rocky my side of things. She kinda knows that I see a Dr and T (well, will) but that's about it... filled her in that my meds have changed, just so she's aware should my behaviour change... at least that way it won't be quite as shocking if she was clueless.

Anyway, she took it well... so that was a +... was a risk as she can be quite bolshy, opinionated and annoying at the best of times... but yeah, was fine with it
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Last gp appointment till I see the T on the 18th

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  #14  
Old Nov 11, 2013, 04:19 PM
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gayleggg gayleggg is offline
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I kept checking the board Saturday and Sunday and don't know how I missed it either. Sorry I wasn't there for you TJ. Hope you are feeling better today. I know it is really hard to let go of medical people we get used to. It's hard for me to change providers.
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