Alright I'm a freshman in college and I'm most likely failing my English class. The thing is, I love English. I love learning more about perfecting the language; reading is one of my favorite things to do. But for the life of me I just cannot write essays. I have very low self esteem and no motivation, so I judge myself a lot when I'm writing, and I can't help it. I care about writing and I want to be good at it, therefore I'm not. (See what I'm saying? I'm so scared of failing and thinking I can't do it, that I actually can't.)

I also tend to disconnect from reality a lot when things are hard. My brain seems to be in automatic disconnect mode. So when I am writing, it doesn't matter how much I research on the subject, how informed of it I am, I just cannot focus my mind; I feel like I don't have a strong opinion on anything no matter what I tell myself, no matter how much I try to understand it and feel interested, I just don't.

So when I write essays I feel ambiguous and pressured like I cannot unify my thoughts and ideas. So my essay for English is two days late; I have something but the ideas are very very scattered.

I feel like a failure because I might fail my freshman year of college. And I actually really like this school so that makes me so sad. Anyone else? It's not the only subject I'm failing either; I simply have no motivation in my work. My therapist tells me to keep my goal in mind to try to get motivated - but really? Although I would like to pass, I really would, I can't honestly say that I have a GOAL to do it, because I have no interest in anything in life... So her idea doesn't help me.

I'm not really asking for advice on how I can focus, because nothing works for me. More what I am asking is this: does anyone else have this problem? Is it a result of depression?

[tiggerwannabe]

I am an English major and just completed my Masters in Education. There were times when my depression did get the best of me when it came time to focus on my writing. But I was able to find ways to help keep me focused. It may sound counterintuitive, but placing small tokens of life events--momentos arranged in vignettes--around my desk helped me to rest my eyes on familiar objects so that when I drifted, my eyes at least fell on familiar, peaceful objects. Sometimes all it took was zoning out on those familiar objects to provide the inspiration I needed to build my essays on.

Have you ever seen the show Criminal Minds? The character Penelope Garcia places bright, cheerful tchotchkes to distract her from the ugliness she has to see on the screen--not that we are looking at macabre pictures (lol--even though a blank screen can be kind of horrifying to a writer).

Hope this tip helps.

[kaliope]

a lack of focus is very common in depression so don't get down on yourself. it is hard to think when your mind is cluttered with thoughts of self doubt and you are fatigued. don't be so hard on yourself.

[TombE]

I have that very same issue. In fact, I should be writing an essay now but my focus is not there. I don't know of a solution, but I understand the situation completely. I often become disconnected when things become too much. Apathy always gets the best of me.

[mulan]

I have been suffering from depression too, dispate that and misterily I continue to do good at school. But see for me it is really a mistery because I feel the same way as you do. I feel totaly stupid, I can get focus or memorize things. But I guess I do fine at school because test are multiple choices. But I wonder if it would be different if I felt fine. Cause paper works and presentations are hard for me to do. My syster had been depressed, she got out of it. At that time she failed the year, she is now doing much better at school. Don't put so much pressure on your self, failing is not the end of the world. Think of it as a time off you have to get your self on your feet. You don't have nothing to prove to anyone, you're sick, one of the worst ilnesses in my opinion, because it takes you so much life. But depression is a certain way your body finds to tell you that you need to slow down, you need to rest. Not for your entire life, just for some time. If you feel you can't handle it talk to someone else. Are you taking meds? Maybe you should. They didn't work for me but they worked for lots of people that I know.
How wish you the best

[ToeJam]

Mitigating circumstances...?

If your depression is putting that stress onto you and is effecting your studies, then that qualifies as mitigating circumstances. I would suggest speaking with both Dr and T with regards to advising the college of the stress you are under and see how flexible they can be with regards to hand in dates or even postponing until you feel more balanced.

[Vossie42]

I'm having the same trouble right at this moment. I have a paper that's due next Tuesday and I don't have even a rough draft done. I have managed to write some of it. I kinda tricked myself into writing. First I started off writing how much I hate this essay and why. Then I explained that I have all the info but have no idea how to express it. I actually ended up writing some of it while talking about what info I had, lol.

But this paper is making me severely depressed right now. I just want to drop out of college. It would be so easy to go online and click a few buttons and I would be rid of this particular misery. But then I would have to face the self-punishment of failure, the financial ramifications, etc. I guess I'll push through the essay and turn something in just to get it done.