[britt24]

Hey I'm new on here I just found this site. I have been a little....off (for lack of abetter word) since I can remember and when I was like 13 I saw a counselor who said I have signs of being molested when i was little, but I don't remember it if it did happen. Im not close with my mom because of the things she has done. She used me as a babysitter constantly startig when iwas 10. She would leave me homevwith the kids sometimes for weeks with no money no food and i had to figure out how i would feed everyone. And because of her ibhave crazy trust issues and i never felt like she loved me. And for the past year I have really been trying to battle my demons but they always win.

I thought I could get through this on my own, but it only made me worse. I've been seeing a guy for 8 years and when I told him I want to know whats wrong with me, he told me to leave it alone.

But I don't want to leve it alone. I need help. I want to know what's wrong with me . I have no one in my life who listens to me. Which is why I'm here...

[Sam2]

Britt,
as you have discovered, leaving it alone only makes things worse. I doubt this is something that you can do on your own. If you have a regular Dr., have him/her put you in touch with a therapist. Trauma from childhood doesn't just go away when we grow up. Its when the problems start. Regardless of whether there was sexual abuse or not, there was certainly neglect. No child should have to be the adult. It leaves scars and you can bury them for only so long.

A therapist will help you work through some of those painful memories and find a healthy way of coping with them. The forum is a good place to unload and find others who are where you are or have been there, but its not a substitute for a therapist.

If the first one you find doesn't seem to click with your personality, don't give up. Finding a therapist is a bit like finding a friend. Just as you aren't compatable with every other person, you won't be with every therapist. You need to find one that you feel comfortable. I know its scarey, but you have already taken one of the most important steps. Admitting that you have a problem that you can't deal with alone.

Sam2

[Elektra_]

sorry to be so blunt but i would ditch ur bf clearly he doesnt have ur health in consideration. get a qualified therapist and be open to wtv u find out. good luck