[puzzclar]

I tried a little experiment to see what my motivations are... it's left me in a difficult place. Most things I do are for external motivations. That little fact has lead too "Am I really worth the time and energy" which leads too.. well you get the picture.

[archipelago]

I just read about external motivation and how it contributes to stress. It turns out that people with internal motivation survive stressful situations better. This could be turned into a learning experience instead of a bummer. I just went through a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course and we talked about being a human being rather than a human doing. It was amazing what that little course did for all kinds of people with various issues. And it worked really fast. People can change. You are not necessarily locked into to anything. And external motivations have their place so they aren't universally bad.

[puzzclar]

I talked with my T later on today, and well it was a unique situation. At first he challenged me on what was external, and in the end they were internal motivated. Which I was not expecting....

I walked in suicidal, and came out hopeful.

We talked about Behaviors and how we can chose how we behave, and then he through in that our emotions we can chose how we feel. Therefore we can choose how we think... I hope that makes sense... It did to me. I can chose how I want to feel. Honestly this made sense to me... it's not a quick fix but it makes sense. He also suggested, and I agreed, to read a book called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Which will challenge some of the agreements that we all are told as fact.....

I guess this is a long answer in saying, I have to reevaluate my motivations, and agreements. But at least I am happier than I was earlier.