A bad few days

I tried to take a step back from here and online in general. I thought being away from talk of depression would help but it hasn't. So here I am again. It's been a really long week. I'm not sure how I've survived the week at work tbh. Well I left early today due to a headache taking over. I just haven't been able to concentrate. I have spent most of each day staring at my computer screen or with my head in my hands telling myself 'I can't do this' or 'I can't be here.'

And I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts and urges again too. So much so that I'm feeling like the sooner the better...

I hate feeling this way and I don't know how to cope with it. You would think after so many years I could handle it by now.

days????

You win.

It's not just days. Its been going on for years. I didn't realise it was a competition

sorry - my pathetic attempt at humor.

Believe me, I understand how you feel. I get the headaches and inability to work. Getting up in the morning is such a chore - every ounce of me wants to go back to bed. So know you're not alone - it's such a dreadful path to walk. I have leaned toward the "s" action too, and what stops me is knowing the awful effect it would have on those around me. Please hang in there - I'm trying to as well...

Sorry, guess I took it the wrong way. No harm done

My therapist is having me seperate myself from the negative impulse thoughts like "i am a horrible person " etc. So that i can look at those thoughts and be like; that is not me that is my depression, so don't let the negativity affect my actions. This has helped me and it has also helped to put all the self-deprecating thoughts under the depression umbrella and to try not to beat myself up for the things under that umbrella.

I hope that helped, and thanks for letting offer an opinion nonetheless.
I wish you luck and good things