[Daeva]

1) C and I no longer see each other
2) No out of session contact
3) Psych ward won't take me no matter how serious the matter
4)No crisis lines for me they make me worse

no one wants to help me, the psych ward and my psych doc think I'm not serious. Really? I'm NOT SERIOUS? I went to them told them I had a plan, detailed it out, showed them my suicide note, showed them the cuts on my arms, and I'm just doing it for attention?

How about tonight when I got in a burning hot bath, grabbed some beers, grabbed my pills and drank a few beers and popped alot of my pills and ended up sick for quite a while? Hmmm?! When I OD'd before in october they kept me one night and sent me packing, meanwhile someone else who is having anxiety, not panic attacks just general anxiety gets admitted like wtf you assholes. ****. What am I suppose to do? Where am I suppose to go? No one wants to help me. And you want to know why? because I didn't pay the bill from the first stay. Cause I had no insurance. So they won't help me.

Well it'll be alot more work, time and money to have me in the morgue and to do my autopsy

[Sam2]

Money does seem to be an issue as to what help you are able to get. I don't have insurance for mental health either, and the times i"ve thought I needed help I didn't have enough money.

ERs will generally assess you quickly and send you on your way unless you are critically ill. I wound up in the emergency room dozens of times with slashed wrists and overdoses, and with the exception of the OD, was stitched up and sent home. The one time I was committed was on a weekend when there wasn't a shrink, so I just wandered the halls for the two and a half days and never saw one til the last day. He talked to me in the hall for about five minutes and sent me home.

I think you will have to go into the hospital and tell them point blank that you need to be an inpatient. You may have tried that before, and if there is another hospital in the area, go there instead. There are some psychiatrists who will drop their charges based on income. Talk to your physician about referring you to someone who does.

I'm sorry I don't have better answers for you. Right now it comes down to space and money for many people in trouble. keep trying til they listen to you. In the meantime, we will be there.

Sam2

[Idealsummerluvv]

I wish I had some answers for you.

Perhaps money has less to do with it than our willingness to NOT harm or kill ourselves no matter how badly we want to.

20 years later I can see what a frustrating mess I was to work with early on.

Bottom line is only we can really "save" ourselves ... The others are there to provide support until we can come to realize this and start actually treating ourselves with the dignity and respect we deserve.

The professionals can and will do what they can up to a point, but if we continue to thwart their every effort then they have no choice but to let us go ... Especially if they feel the can't help us ... In essence that frees us up to find someone who has the staying power we require.

Of course we know what that other option is as well ... Hopefully it's not the one you choose.

It isn't right or fair to them for us to keep testing them ... Especially when there are folks out there who do want to survive whatever demons are driving them over their edges.

Sad, but true ...

I hope you hang on and keep on trying to survive instead of die.

If you kill yourself there will be a hole in this universe where you're supposed to be and that will be a sad thing.

Also, if you kill yourself whatever demons drove you to this state will win the whole damn war!

Please don't give the bastards that!

You deserve better!



Oh, and to answer your question about where to go now ... The only options I ended up with were the county mental health clinic, homelessness, or death! ...That's when I really started taking my recovery process seriously and went to the local mental health clinic. YOU'VE STILL GOT TO DO MOST OF THE WORK THOUGH ... NOBODY CAN, WILL OR SHOULD BE EXPECTED TO DO IT FOR YOU!

[Idiot17]

Wish i had an answer. (((((hugs))))))

[1776]

Sounds like they burned out on taking care of you. Are you working on your end to get better?

[Daeva]

Yes. I'm using all the coping mechanisms my T has taught me, I'm researching more when they don't work, etc. I'm challenging my own thoughts, etc. I'm seeking help when needed, I see my T when I should, I am compliang with my medicine. I'm doing what I was taught. Of course it must be my fault for feeling this way.

Not your fault ... But we do have to work on rewiring our thoughts to be more positive ... And that's a very, very, very difficult thing to do when we are already wired to see the worst in everything.

Again ... It isn't our fault, but unfortunately we have to do all the heavy lifting to turn it around and make it some better.

For me it's not gotten all better, nor do I expect it to ever be perfect ... But by deciding where I'll let my thoughts take me on a daily basis has helped tremendously!

Keep working ... HARD!

We may not be able to rebuild any of the past bridges we've burned, but we can construct new ones with new "helpers" and work diligently to not undermine or sabotage these like we did the others.

[1776]

Daeva, I didn't say that. Just checking. Some don't "work their program". No offense meant.

[healingme4me]

Wish I had, some answers. Is an extended stay, in a psyche ward, really what you desire, to happen?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Daeva]

Yes it is.

I see T today. I hope she's better and in office. I really need her. Don't know how crazy I'll go if she's still sick.

[The_little_didgee]

How do you think hospitalization will help?

[Daeva]

Keep me from killing myself like I tried to on Saturday

[The_little_didgee]

Try to stay out of hospital. Psychiatric units are awful and can be traumatizing. Anyway they don't really know how to help unless you are psychotic or require medication for stabilization.

Do you have a friend who can keep you company? Having someone around can be very helpful. Use some of the coping skills you mentioned in the psychotherapy forum.

Don't give up.