[colleenhari]

Most of the time I do really well. I have a wonderful husband, though typically I don't have much of a sex drive anymore. Anyhow, I'm a full time student with straight A's and work part time at a nursing home as a nursing assistant. I'm working on my bachelor's in Exercise Science and hope to then get into Physical Therapy doctorate school.

I moved to a different part of the country about 6 months ago and haven't yet made any friends. My in-laws are about an hour and a half away, and that's awesome but it's not the same. My own family lives on the other side of the country. I haven't lived there for some time, my husband was military. It's probably for the best I don't live near them, as my Grandpa, mother, and brother have severe mental illness that sets off my depression and stress. Nonetheless I feel very alone. The only time students want to see me or talk to me is when they need me to tutor them/help them with homework.

Recently I went home to visit and while it was great seeing my dad and sister, it was very upsetting to see my mom. She's always so emotional, can't stop crying when she sees me, and her life is such a mess. I wish I could help her but I can't. Shortly after I got back from my trip, my brother threatened suicide, which set my mom off on a very bad episode. When she does this she hurts everyone around her. So I've cut off contact for the time being. Her behavior triggers my depression. I wish I were strong enough to be unaffected, but as much as I try it's very difficult.

Anyhow, today I was supposed to start a second job. It's a per diem thing, so it shouldn't be too demanding on my schedule. The company has been putting off my orientation for months and been very bad at communicating with me, and I didn't have the time to track them down. So finally they've set up the orientation today, and I made a remark about how long it's taken, which I guess ticked them off. Then the hospital people (the job is an agency that woudl have me working at a hospital) tells me I have to have a flu shot. My religious beliefs prohibit this. My "boss" at the agency never told me about this, though he lied to the hospital and told them he warned me of this.

So we had the first portion of our orientation at the hospital from 9-12. Then we were to get a parking sticker at some other place in the city, then go to an entirely different location for the last part of orientation, and somehow find time to eat. Part of my anxiety is about finding new places, navigating traffic, etc. I drove around for 40 minutes and couldn't find the right place. I still hadn't eaten. We were told the place would lock the door if we were 10 minutes late and would miss the orientation. So I just got some lunch, went home, and called my contact at the hospital. Next thing I know, I get a phone call from the agency "boss".

First he yells at me about refusing the flu shot, implying my religious beliefs were insincere or perhaps he just resented them, I'm not sure. Either way it was very upsetting, as I take my religion very seriously. He kept digging into me, then about missing the orientation and saying they would have brought me lunch and all this BS I know wasn't true. Even if they would have brought me something to eat, that would have caused such a spectacle. It's something I have a lot of anxiety about and there's no way I would have asked them to do that. I'm not going to scarf down some crap I probably don't want to eat (due to my religion I have specific dietary restrictions) in front of a bunch of strangers when I'm supposed to be paying attention and learning.

I explained to him that I felt very pressured to do this orientation (in the middle of my finals week, no less) and that school is my number one priority, not work. He then said "how can your school be so demanding, you go to community college? I went to the university and got two degrees and worked"...Um, wow. He insulted the fact that I go to community college. It made me feel like such ****. I'm doing my first year at community college to save money, and I probably couldn't have afforded it anyways. Hopefully by next year I can due to our income being so much lower now that my husband is out of the military. We are both full time students. He asked what I was going to school for that was so demanding, and I told him. He said "oh, I was studying for OT school, so I know, I did that, whatever".

I looked him up after this conversation...he has a bachelor's in communication and psychology...clearly he didn't make it into OT school, probably because school wasn't as important to him as it is to me. Plus...he has a frikkin degree in COMMUNICATION. He personally attacked me. This combined with my family issues and feeling so friendless here...have really put me into a slump. I go into one a couple times a year it seems like. I'm so depressed. I called corporate and reported him, but I'm sure nothing will come of it because his manager and him are buddy-buddy. I don't know what to do.

[colleenhari]

The day after I posted this I found out my husband has been having an emotional affair...fml.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. It was bad enough all the trouble with your job, but to find out about your husband having an emotional affair must have been devastating.

[colleenhari]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel like I am so alone..

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what its like to experience a slump, like you mentioned. Especially when it feels as though the world seems to be conspiring against you. But it will work out. I keep telling myself that, because deep down, despite problematic circumstances, I believe things will get better. Life is full of highs and lows. Like me, you are in the middle of a low point, but it won't stay that way. Thanks for sharing your story. Theres something healing in writing and knowing there are other people in the world that "get it". Hugs

[colleenhari]

Things are still rough with my husband, but are improving and I really hope we have turned a corner this time and have true healing and growth in our relationship. But we still get in really bad fights from time to time, like today, and it makes me feel like it never really will get better.

At my other job I was finally given the hours they promised me long ago, and that is a much better place to work. It's still a lot of stress, but it's a lot better. Nursing is kind of a bad field for people prone to depression, honestly. The next semester starts next week and I feel like I have barely had a chance to recover from anything.