[Toomixedup]

I have been feeling pretty darn good lately. I've given myself pats on the back, "atta girls", and general "you rock" kind of praise. I've even been off my meds for, like, 6 months, and haven't seen my T in twice as long. But that all is starting to change...again. I actually thought, I kind of missed that old feeling of depression, what was I gonna do with all this new-found energy and motivation?! Well, not to worry, it's not gonna last. The dark web of my mind is gonna drag me back into the cave. My kids will scorn me. My husband will ignore me. I'll hate myself, and drink, and hurt, and wish I could.just.disappear. Lonely. I used to have friends. I thought I had friends. But the only friend it seems that will have me is this dark shadow.

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you are having a tough time. I hope the depression clears up quickly.

[CepheidVariable]

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this.

Maybe you need to consider reconnecting with your therapist or even review going back on some kind of medication for awhile. I know it feels bad to seem like you're going backwards. But it's almost certainly for the best to try and get on top of this now, in case it gets much worse and harder. Consider it maintenance.

Even if it is transient, would it really be so bad to stomp that depression to the curb to keep it from potentially growing so big again? You did it before, from the sounds of it, you can do it again.

[Toomixedup]

When I talked to my T I always felt heightened by the experience. I got myself all worked up, my mind constantly running, and then putting words to the crazy sh** that’s in my brain. I am sure she doesn’t need another pathetic client saying all these things only to get better and then have life suck them back into the same spot they were in a year or two ago. How abysmal.

As for going on meds, I have a whole bag full of em if I wanted to start again. All kinds of wonderful pills that either left me feeling either numb in the nether regions or like I’ve suffered a frontal lobotomy. I’d really rather die, I think, than to go down that path again. So I feel utterly stuck.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by Toomixedup

When I talked to my T I always felt heightened by the experience. I got myself all worked up, my mind constantly running, and then putting words to the crazy sh** that’s in my brain. I am sure she doesn’t need another pathetic client saying all these things only to get better and then have life suck them back into the same spot they were in a year or two ago. How abysmal.

[ . . . ]

I feel utterly stuck.

I can't imagine any therapist thinking that. I guess I can't imagine them choosing the profession if they did. I hope that's not all that's holding you back. It sounds like the depression talking.

Feeling stuck and helpless is the most insidious part of depression. The timing is quite the co-incidence really. I'm back in therapy myself, and "I feel stuck" is the first thing I said when asked what brought me in. (And boy, is that an understatement.)

I hope you find a way through this sooner rather than later.

[Toomixedup]

Thanks for the encouragement. I hope your “stuck” gets better too. Today was a better day than I could have anticipated, and I will try to focus on that for now