[Hellion]

Uhh I just hate it so much. I am sick of being in the process of trying to get on SSI. If I get denied after my appeal hearing, I am going to be quite frusterated...and will probably start looking for work or something...I just don't know I have mental issues that get in the way of working so how would I even get a job? let alone keep it?........is there any hope for someone like me if i cant get on SSI. Sometimes I wonder if I should just try out being a bum...you know pack my bags and just hit the streets(potentially unsmart as I am a petite young female, but I can't keep living the way I am). As I keep up on this SSI process I just get more frusterated, bored and depressed. This is how I have been feeling and I've been keeping it all inside, I haven't even told my therapist that this is how I feel. Trying to convince myself I am ok up until that hearing hoping I'll win my case and the fact I will have income might make me feel a little bit better.

Also I feel like a damn loser, I don't have any friends...maybe some potential friends depending on how certian things go. But I am so damn lonely even though I know I have family members who care. But I hardly get out of the house or have social interactions and its horribly depressing.

This is more of a rant than anything, so sorry if its unclear and ranty.

[Pandasia]

2009 was the accumulation of all that had gone wrong for us. My husband got made redundant in 2006; so I had the great (sarcastic) idea of joining an MLM company. I bought their crap and promises that we would make a great living working from home, it didn’t happen and we ended up losing a lot of money. My husband couldn’t walk for 6 months, started to suffer with depression and anxiety, and had an operation in 2007 for a split disc and; 2009 I had an op to fix a should that kept dislocating. I had to cope with all of this, and find a job, as we didn’t have any money coming in. I hadn’t work since 1999 when I left to have a baby. 2009 I was living in a daze but I had to carry on for the sake of our 8 year old daughter. I remember being in the supermarket thinking I haven’t got any money to pay for food, but we have to eat. I was in a tunnel, only just functioning, and others were saying I should get a job. I wasn’t functioning properly or mentally capable of doing a job. I felt that people just didn’t understand because I couldn’t talk about it and everything was my fault.

I don’t know how old you are or why you’re claiming SSI, but you can pull yourself back from the brink. I didn’t have anyone to turn to. What I did was get myself a a job collecting charity bags, clothing people left out on their doorstep – it was ok and got it got me back into the job market. I then got a job at McDonalds, I’m 52 so didn’t really fit into their environment, but I’m guessing you’re younger than that so it may work out for you.

Whatever you think your life is like, it will get better, but you have to try. If I can do it at 52 without any support, I’m sure you can.

[Hellion]

Well I am claiming SSI for Depression, Anxiety, Autism Spectrum Disorder and possible PTSD(I do have the disorder but its not an official diagnoses in my records so trying to get that worked out). Anyways I couldn't work in fast food...I wouldn't be able to keep up with the fast pace, and the environment would make me anxious and overwhelmed to where I can't really function. If I felt I could work I wouldn't be applying for SSI...but maybe there is a job for awkward, slow, depressed people that can't handle normal amounts of stress.

I've been trying with applying for SSI it is truly a long grueling process from hell. But before that I tried going to college and ended up dropping out and I have attempted jobs in the past but I got fired from both because of issues pertaining to the mental conditions I have.

Fact of the matter is I do need support, things would be so much easier if I didn't.

[Hellion]

Still hating life, and very worried about losing my appeal hearing even though I have an attorney and all that giving me a fairly good chance of getting a favorable decision. I just feel like I most certainly fail at life. Figured there was no sense in starting a new thread, to say that...if anyone has anything to say or can relate feel free to post, otherwise I suppose this thread can die and fall back to page 450 or whatever. I'd wait and talk to my therapist about this but my next appointment is next month so all I really have is online forums.