[nakitakunai]

Hi all,

My depression is worse now than it ever has been, and I have tried for quite some time now to "snap myself out of it" and "just be happy," but nothing has worked. I'm even at the point where I'll sometimes burst into tears in the middle of doing things that are SUPPOSED to make me happy like exercising or trying new things or spending time with my friends. I have been on antidepressants in the past (from early 2006 to late 2007) but I went off them because I was arrogant enough to think I had "beat" depression and didn't need them anymore.

Anyway, my question is, how do I go about talking to my doctor about my depression/going back on antidepressants? It's just such an awkward thing to talk about, especially since I switched insurance companies and now I have to go to a whole new doctor that I've never met before. I have so many fears, like what if I start crying and he thinks it's all an act just to get my hands on some pills, or what if I go through all this just for him to say he can't write me the prescription for them, or what if he tries to preach that I need therapy too? (I cannot afford to see a proper psychiatrist nor can I afford therapy. But antidepressants alone have helped me immensely in the past and I believe they will help me again.) I haven't even made my appointment yet because I'm too nervous to call and make one. (Actually, I tried to about a month ago and when I had to tell the woman on the phone my reason for appointment I started crying uncontrollably and I could barely even get my words out, and in the end they didn't have any doctors at that place that were accepting new patients anyway, so it was all in vain. Talk about discouraging... after I finally admitted to myself and to the random lady on the phone that I needed help. ) I keep getting tempted to just give up and try to get through this on my own without antidepressants but well... I've been trying that for years and my depression just keeps getting worse.

Thank you for reading. Any and all advice is very much appreciated.

[bwkeys45]

That talk sucks, no matter how you go about it. What I try to remember is that doctors see the worst parts of people every day and are probably past the point of judgement. Gross boil on your foot? Third one this week. Depressed? No problemo! If you are lucky enough to find a good doctor, they should understand your financial situation and offer what they can. Also, I don't think they worry too much about the illegal anti-depressant trade, so they won't think you just want pills for the sake of having pills. If you need help, you need help and that's what doctors are there for! If you think it would help, you could even try bringing someone you really trust to wait with you before you go in. Good luck!

[shelbykay]

I don't know that there's a "good" or easy way to initiate the conversation with your doctor. When I decided to finally get help, I walked into my dr's office, crying, and said, 'I can't handle my life.' The appointment sucked, but I felt such relief that I was getting help.

I hope you can schedule an appointment and that it goes well. You deserve it.

[jesusplay]

Doctor: " waht's seems to be the problem you're having"
You: "I'm depressed"
Doctor:"I'm gonna start you on this antidepressant".

I agree that most doctors (and receptionists) have heard it all before, so you shouldn't worry about being judged. I would come right out and tell the doctor that antidepressants have helped you in the past and you'd like to see if you could benefit from one again.

At my last pdoc appointment, I told my psychiatrist I was still feeling very depressed and because Prozac had been my mainstay in the past, I asked if I could try it again. He said no problem. I had no shame about any of it.

Good luck with working your way through this.

Originally Posted by bwkeys45

That talk sucks, no matter how you go about it. What I try to remember is that doctors see the worst parts of people every day and are probably past the point of judgement. Gross boil on your foot? Third one this week. Depressed? No problemo! If you are lucky enough to find a good doctor, they should understand your financial situation and offer what they can. Also, I don't think they worry too much about the illegal anti-depressant trade, so they won't think you just want pills for the sake of having pills. If you need help, you need help and that's what doctors are there for! If you think it would help, you could even try bringing someone you really trust to wait with you before you go in. Good luck!

bwkeys45, I know this is a serious thread about depression but thanks so much for bringing some levity to it! I think all of us with depression need to laugh once in a while. I know it helps me . . .

[MariposaLlora]

After trying to fix my depression on my own for many years, I can say asking for help was one of the most daunting things I've ever done. I just reached such a low point that I really felt there was no other option. It was terrifying; but, I felt a real sense of a load being lifted and hopeful for a way out. I hope you'll ask for help and that your new doctor is compassionate.

Sent from my N61 using Tapatalk

[nakitakunai]

Thank you all for the advice, again I appreciate your help so much.

I tried to make an appointment today but I only got as far as dialing the number before I started panicking and crying uncontrollably, which resulted in me calling the whole thing off, again. They are open until 5 so technically I have two hours to get my act together and try again, but since I am the kind of person who takes a looooong time to recover from crying, I don't think that's going to happen. Hopefully I'll have the courage to try again on Monday.

[MotherMarcus]

No matter who you are , this is always such a hard conversation. Once you finally gather up the oomph to say something, you'll feel like a weight has been lifted.
Good luck.

[nakitakunai]

I finally made my appointment!!! I can't believe how hard they make it these days to find doctors who are accepting new patients (and that becomes 10 times harder for people like me who get extremely anxious about making phone calls) but I FINALLY DID IT! Thank you all for your encouraging messages. Now that I got THAT part out of the way, I feel like I'm already halfway there. And thanks to everyone's advice I'm not nearly as scared about the second half (aka the actual appointment) as I was before. Thank you all so much!

[Rose76]

Most doctors will be thrilled to hear you say that antidepressants have helped you immensely in the past. That makes the decision for them. Antidepressants are not like narcotic painkillers. You don't get "high" off them. People don't usually manipulate to get ADs, so I doubt your doctor will see you as drug seeking. There are a minority of idiot doctors out there. If you run into one, just make an appointment to see someone else. (It happened to me.)

Primary care docs don't usually see a need to immediately refer you to a psychiatrist. Some PCPs might want a one-time consult. When you call for the appointment, they will ask what you are coming in for. Just say that it's a personal matter that you need to discuss with you doctor. You can add on something generic like: "I'm having a hard time handling stress and want to talk to the doctor about it." But you don't even need to say that. Then, when you get there, you talk about what you want. Patients cry in front of doctors often, and they do not get freaked out by it. (Again - unless the doctor is an idiot, which is good to find out early in the game.)

I had not read the whole thread when I started to write. I just read it all and I'm so happy you decided to make the appointment. Most likely, it will go just fine and you will be glad you went.

Let us know how things turn out.

[shelbykay]

Originally Posted by nakitakunai

I finally made my appointment!!! I can't believe how hard they make it these days to find doctors who are accepting new patients (and that becomes 10 times harder for people like me who get extremely anxious about making phone calls) but I FINALLY DID IT! Thank you all for your encouraging messages. Now that I got THAT part out of the way, I feel like I'm already halfway there. And thanks to everyone's advice I'm not nearly as scared about the second half (aka the actual appointment) as I was before. Thank you all so much!

that's great news - good for you! I hope your appointment goes well.

[MotherMarcus]

Any updates ? How are you doing ?

[nakitakunai]

Oh, thank you for checking! That means a lot to me

Unfortunately I had to cancel my original appointment because of the Polar Vortex and I haven't gotten around to rescheduling yet. So much time has passed since my initial phone call that now I'm nervous about it all over again... and my depression is honestly worsening every single day. Hopefully I can push myself to make the call again soon...

[MotherMarcus]

Keep a log of your emotions. Date, time. What kind of activities. This will help at your appointment and get the ball rolling.