[Tortuga76]

Hi all - this is my first post - I've been suffering on and off from depression for years and I'm in the mist of another depressive episode. This one feels the worst so far. I'm 37, married, with no children (we've been married 2 years). I think there is more going on than *just* depression as I'm constantly having racing thoughts that keep me from being able to sleep and do much of anything really. I feel like I'm having a nervous break-down and don't know what to do.

Here's where things get really complicated: my husband is Greek and we live in his small home village in Greece (500 people). I moved here 3 years ago for him and thought a peaceful life in a cute village would be magical. It turns out it seems to be a disaster for me. I can't full communicate (I can get by, but I certainly couldn't even attempt therapy in Greek, nor could I join any support groups, if there were any around), I don't have a lot of friends here, I don't really have work here (again, b/c of the language issue and the terrible economy), and I just feel so isolated and far away from everyone I love. Part of me thinks I should go back to America for a bit and try to get some intensive therapy and be around people I love, but when I think of that, a negative voice pops up in my head that says, "You will feel just as lonely there because you won't have your husband and during the day everyone will be working so what will you be doing???"

I just feel so TRAPPED and I have NO idea what to do. I'm not sure if anyone has any suggestions, but anything would be appreciated.

[Frankbtl]

You know I'd absolutely go with your "gut feeling" of getting the help you need even if that means returning to America (afterall it needn't be forever, unless you want it to be). It's got to be about putting yourself first when things are this bad for you, and if you explained to your husband then I'd hope that he'd understand and want the best for you too.
And, yes, I can imagine you'd miss your husband but if you compare that with not getting any help do you think that maybe it would still be worth it? You did say that it would mean being near to people you love, so a bit of a compensation there?
As for the days if you're on your own I can see that that may be lonely and give you more space for your feelings to surface more but do you think that you could put some plans into place for how you're going to handle these, maybe things to do? You could even talk to the people close to you in America before you go to help work on those plans? And maybe have a support system pre-prepared e.g. if you're finding things relly hard you can telephone x at x o'clock or y at y o'clock.
Do tap yourself into what services you're going to access beforehand though and "start the ball rolling" with them, so as you have a real solid place to start.
It sounds like you do need help and you absolutely deserve to get it, so wherever is best for you is all that matters.

And you know that if the husband is putting up/causing barriers I'm going to be saying that he isn't really worth it, right? So it's all about you now and don't let anything stand in your way. Do what you think is best for YOU.

Best wishes

Alison

[Little Lulu]

Tortuga, I've read several posts at PsychCentral written by people who have been in your situation. I hope you can connect with someone who has been or is currently where you are.

My sister-in-law (from the US) lived in another country for five years due to her husband's job and she felt just like you did - never really at home or accepted. Like you, she couldn't find a job and she tried several social groups but they just didn't work out due to language/cultural issues. One empathetic neighbor befriended her but that was about it. It was her fantasy to live where they moved but it turned out to be a long five years for her.

(((Hugs))) to you - it is difficult place to be.

[Pierro]

Maybe a break would do you the world of good. What does your husband think! It is o.k. for him, as he is "home". Maybe you could travel to a bigger place and find a therapist that speaks English. I am so sorry for your predicament. I know what it feels like to live in a foreign country and not be "part" of the community. Best wishes.

[Fuzzybear]