[RoryOShea]

Hey there I'm new here...I'm constantly perplexed by how my depression (which is getting terrifyingly severe) can hit me like a Mack truck even when I'm doing something positive. Yesterday I was sitting with my boyfriend watching Eddie Murphy "Raw".... Laughing so hard and genuinely, and it felt like a veil had been dropped on me. There was no thought process that took me there. It seems to be purely chemical. I came off Paxil two months ago, this could just be leftovers from that because that was extraordinarily difficult. Even if I could afford to see a doctor, drugs seem to make me worse so I don't know if that's an option anymore. I am willing to do whatever it takes to stop feeling paralyzed with despair and fear, I just don't have any money. It makes me feel so powerless, which of course makes it worse. Please, someone talk to me. I'm so scared.

[bushwackback]

Hi Rory! :-)

That is a scary thing when that happens. It does. I've been there.

The Paxil could definitely be a factor. Fallout from that can take a long time. So don't be hard on yourself. Those account for a lot of those outta-the-blue situations. But if you look back on the situation, there probably was some slight trigger.

Good news though! You don't HAVE to know what that trigger was. Don't worry about why depression strikes. It's an invader that sits in your home and watches for a moment when you are even slightly vulnerable, then it darts in with a mean right hook to your jaw. The best things are to not think about why you got hit but hit back by taking care of yourself: do something physical like push-ups or cartwheels or 20 jumping jacks. Or eat a carrot. Or SOMETHING besides giving that bastard depression any more room to turn your mind on itself.

Kick. It. Out.

[RoryOShea]

Thank you bushwhacked...thank you so much. Man it just hit me again, I've been crying so hard it felt like my eyes were going to pop out. I'm such a burden to my boyfriend and the few friends I have left. The pain is simply unbearable. I would go to the ER but I've tried that before and all they do is lock you up. At least where I live. I'm so desperate

[bushwackback]

I know. In fact it's been a hard day from start to finish. My sleep getting all messed up doesn't help. Im really down today. But this day doesn't represent forever. Only today. It will change eventually.

Rory, hang in there. I've been hit with depression out of the blue (for no apparent reason) too. I understand the fear and despair. Mine hit a couple of months after stopping Prozac. Now I'm back on Prozac and doing much better. In time, things will improve for you. Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if you need to.

[Fuzzybear]