[CastlesInTheAir]

Sometimes, I don't know what my problem is. Some days I can pin it to depression, some days I can pin it to anxiety, some days I can pin it to hormonal cycles that magnify the depression and anxiety. Other days I wonder if its just all become such a habit, like drug addiction, to remain in a....mood.

The thing is, I'm not really laying here with the typical depressive thoughts like "my life sucks, why me, ftw," its more along the lines of nothingness. Everything is just so dulled out.

And I have these moments where I pick up a little momentum to get myself going but it takes little time for the fuel to burn out and I'm right back in the dulled out, screw it, state of mind.

And not to mention, that I think anything and everything, even the simplest of tasks to its untimely death.

"Fold the clothes I tell myself, fold the clothes, fold the clothes. But I stay laying in bed. Then I will say, "I'll pour myself a soda then fold the clothes." So, I pour myself a soda. Then I go lay back down and think about folding the clothes. Then I'll think about philosophy and so forth, then I'll think about folding the clothes again"

Then at the end of the day, "I should have folded the clothes"

A little oddity is, when I stay at a friends, I have less of a problem with this. At least with little things I do. But, I have a weird relationship with said friend which brings on new "thinking" issues. But this friends presence gives me a slight blink of motivation because motivated ambitious qualities rub off on me while im there. Plus he's awesome.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by CastlesInTheAir

...its more along the lines of nothingness. Everything is just so dulled out.

This is the primary way I experience depression.

Sometimes I speculate depression has a 'geographical' component. In your case your regular living quarters intensify its effects.

Any chance of spending more time away from home with your friend whose motivation is positive for you?

[Fuzzybear]

Oh man this is so similar to what I do. Especially in the mornings I tell myself to get out of bed and I physically cannot move. I think the major turning point for me was realizing that I hated being "sick" because I sat around before and wrote super sad poems and romanticized it before I was like "I... I don't want to be sick anymore" and really accepted that I was depressed and needed to go and do things if I ever wanted to get back on track and so began the bedroom parkour. I would roll out of bed and reward myself. And then get off the floor and reward myself. And move to the table and so on and so forth. It was slow progress haha but it was progress. Sorry now I'm babbling. I hope this helps in some sort of way!

[CastlesInTheAir]

Oh I know, I know "stuff" works you never see progress until you think back and then you think well **** this stuff I'm doing and reading must be working even if it is slowly. I mean **** a year or so ago, I would go "days" without even getting up to take a shower. The fact that I do now and may only miss a day speaks volumes.

I think depression has its stages and this "nothing" is the middle way. Because I feel that the "something" that I felt in depression before was far worse than this.

[NaturallySoulSweet]

Here. Here.