The hardest part is waiting

Waiting for recovery is harder than understanding why how I need it.

Hi, I'd say "waiting" can be SO tough and even bring you back to/keep you in the "moment" you're actually in and the "stark reality" of how you're feeling compared to how you should/want to be feeling.
And of course recovery isn't always going to happen quickly, I'd say maybe focus a little more on the steps themselves and how (in any little way) you actually are recovering.
If there's some goals or targets you can set yourself great, even if it's going out one more time a month than you did before it's still a step, it's still something you ARE doing, you're not waiting any more, it's one step closer. And gradually that is going to mean something to you, gradually you're going to be seeing how/why you need it, especially if you give yourself that praise for doing it. Afterall even for some people (going out once more......) that's a high mountain to have climbed!! That's a big achievement and another part of their life they have back.
So no waiting , one step at a time, and make sure you take ownership of it (you're doing it!!) !!
And personally, I'd say the recovery process can be an even bigger deal than recovery itself for some people, so don't feel disheartened- you may already be in a REALLY important/meaningful place as you're in the process.
Best wishes
Alison

May these long days seem short in retrospect.

I know the feeling. I'm stuck on a waiting list for CBT and right now they've basically left me to get up to my own devices in the meantime. So I just feel like I'm waiting for recovery. Except, I seem to be going downhill rapidly, instead of getting any better. I hope you feel recovery coming soon. But just in case... Have a hug. -Hugs-