[lostpup]

Hi all, I've been living with depression, anxiety and bulimia for more than 7 years now. I've been to so many professionals for help... yet I still can't break free of this vicious cycle...

After spending an exorbitant amount on medical bills, I really don't trust the professionals any more... but they still seem like my only hope?

My last psychiatrist placed me on a year long program. She says that depression, anxiety and bulimia are all linked and so I was to follow a strict diet regime and take Prozac for my anxiety.

I have been a vegetarian since young as I really despise the act of taking a life, but she insisted that it was just the bulimia telling me all that. As I was desperate to get better, I just followed through with the regime and did whatever I was told.

Since then I have been having strange, terrifying and morbid dreams. I was told that it was a side-effect Prozac has sometimes and that I could change medication if I couldn't live with the dreams. I decided to stick with Prozac since I heard that the side-effects were worse for the other medications...

But anyway, my dreams became more and more gory and awful. I started dreaming of body parts scattered about, and of family members hunting and killling me. When I told my psychiatrist, she said it was because I watched horror movies. I kind of doubt that since I dislike watching horror movies as I never get scared and without the fear-factor they become somewhat dull to me (apologies to all the horror-fans!!); but who am I to dispute a professional?

Now I feel like I am going crazy. Whenever I touch my cat I start to cry and feel so much tenderness it's driving me crazy. I start to hallucinate cooking and eating my cats... it sounds crazy and I think I really am going mad. I've started to fear death a lot... I am so afraid of dying now it is irrational. I can be in the midst of doing something when suddenly my whole body tenses and I start thinking, 'What if everything just suddenly ends now? I won't even know if I'm dead because I will just be that... dead." I won't be able to continue doing what I've been doing, I won't be able to see or hear or feel anything. Everything just ends. I get so frightened. This is so irrational because I used to be fine with the concept of dying - I mean I was still scared of dying before but I kind of just accepted it as part and parcel of being human. Now this fear is overwhelming and I start crying and being just SO afraid... I've never felt this scared before and I really wish for help... but no one understands, not even the professionals or my family members...

Which led to me posting here. Does anyone understand? Does anyone has any advice? I'm so scared and desperate I don't know what to do anymore. I'm still studying in University and I don't even dare to go to school anymore. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

[doyoutrustme]

Yes, absolutely. Treating depression with drugs and no therapy is like.. taking tylenol for a tumor or something. The drugs help to manage the pain, but you use it to make the treatment (therapy) more manageable.

[LifeIsCruel]

Please do not allow what happened to myself to deter you...

But for me...No!!!

They sit there and tell you to "Accept" and "Refocus"....it is kinda like they say, "Yes....you have lost a leg, but now you only have to put on one shoe and one sock".--Accept! And Refocus-"Yeah, your house, garage, and car are burnt down...but we saved the new CD in your car's player...so focus upon that."

Wow! I felt so MUCH better!!.......NOT!!!

They did help with this...1. they maximized my insurance and 2. emptied my wallet with their copays

[gayleggg]

I would not be alive if it weren't for my psychiatrist. He has brought me out of the darkest depressions and has tried very hard to keep my moods level. I was seeing a therapist and thought he helped too but had to give him up due to money. I hope to be able to start seeing him again soon.

[mulan]

I don't like your psychiatrist, at least he wouldn't fit for me. I have been in a psychiatrist somewhat like yours and I hated. I felt repressed and that I wasn't really listened or taken seriusly. My actual is very diferent. I think the doctor you have makes a big diference. That one I had and I hate never really get me and I never really cry in their office, wich is one thing I always did at my actual one office, unstop crying. So he gave me venlafaxine for my anxiety and after a year of treatment he said I could go, sincerely I felt free. He just diagnosed me with anxiety based on what my father told him. The funniest thing is that on the internet I find that people like him...his name was giving me by a doctor who said he was a good doctor. Anyway, but if you think that you can open your self and feel comfortable with your doctor stick with it. I know that now my doctor will not give up on me and that she will try whatever it needs to make me feel better, I apreciate that.

It really depends on the psychiatrist and what you take away from each session. For me, I consider myself lucky because Zoloft really helped me move to a less depressed state but I use my therapist as mainly as an anchor because she's seen where I have been and where I want to be and has given me techniques on how to get there. Now, I don't follow a lot of her advice but for me it's really about being able to talk to someone about all my experiences without judgement and to get positive feedback from it.
I probably wouldn't be here today without my psychiatrist though because I really needed the medication boost upwards to at least have a more playing field (I'm in college too and boy is it rough trying to juggle all of it). I was also sleeping 21 hours a day and barely functioning so ya know there is that too. (Also, your psychiatrist sounds really harsh and I probably would have stopped seeing them really fast).
But yes, my approach to therapy is more like, what are you hoping to get out of it? Because I find therapy more like a tutor in the aspects that they'll give you techniques and explain things out to you but they can't make you understand it for yourself. There are also a lot of self help books for depression if you're considering other options but sometimes forcing yourself to read them can become difficult.

Chemicals on the other hand are a lot more of a try-and-try-again but I can say that my medication really helped me.

Best of luck!

Only the good ones do Unfortunately there seem to be a lot more bad ones than good ones. Of course it's a 2 way street and most of the burden of "getting better" is on you but still... a good therapist can be handy. It does sound as if your anxiety and depression are out of control. Prozac doesn't seem to be working for you to put it gently. I don't feel I know you well enough to say much more. Hope things get better soon. It's very possible it will get much better.

[LifeIsCruel]

[quote=George H.;3583663]Unfortunately there seem to be a lot more bad ones than good ones.

Mr. George???

AMEN BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[quote=LifeIsCruel;3583898]

Originally Posted by George H.

Unfortunately there seem to be a lot more bad ones than good ones.

Mr. George???

AMEN BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like you're speaking from experience. I haven't had many therapists/psychiatrists. I liked almost all of them. None of them were very good.
One changed my life for the better. But she worked for a government agency that allowed for me to try the new (expensive) classes of meds. But being a doctor in a state funded government agency she was soon gone and political changes in my state meant that funds were cut and so all her promises meant nothing in the end.
I know there has to be good therapists and docs out there but I feel they have to match up well with patients to be effective.
I have controversial views on therapists and how certain patients/clients view their beloved "T."
I think I'd offend a lot of PC members if I expressed those views.

[LifeIsCruel]

I think I'd offend a lot of PC members if I expressed those views.

LOL...I already did! When you have time...check out my post in depression...Life summed up! Warning..very long...but I cover life from prebirth til the grave!

And YES....BAD experiences for me Well...not so much bad, as "unhelpful"....

[Fuzzybear]

Have to agree with this... Only the good ones do

Originally Posted by George H.

Only the good ones do Unfortunately there seem to be a lot more bad ones than good ones. Of course it's a 2 way street and most of the burden of "getting better" is on you but still... a good therapist can be handy. It does sound as if your anxiety and depression are out of control. Prozac doesn't seem to be working for you to put it gently. I don't feel I know you well enough to say much more. Hope things get better soon. It's very possible it will get much better.

[lostpup]

Originally Posted by mulan

I don't like your psychiatrist, at least he wouldn't fit for me. I have been in a psychiatrist somewhat like yours and I hated. I felt repressed and that I wasn't really listened or taken seriusly. My actual is very diferent. I think the doctor you have makes a big diference. That one I had and I hate never really get me and I never really cry in their office, wich is one thing I always did at my actual one office, unstop crying. So he gave me venlafaxine for my anxiety and after a year of treatment he said I could go, sincerely I felt free. He just diagnosed me with anxiety based on what my father told him. The funniest thing is that on the internet I find that people like him...his name was giving me by a doctor who said he was a good doctor. Anyway, but if you think that you can open your self and feel comfortable with your doctor stick with it. I know that now my doctor will not give up on me and that she will try whatever it needs to make me feel better, I apreciate that.

Wow. I've been through so many professionals but I've never met one I'm comfortable with... so much so that my parents both feel that it is me who is being uncooperative and not the psychiatrist. As such they have made me promise to follow whatever the psychiatrist says because they know best as professionals... I don't really get any say whatsoever...
But hearing from you makes me feel better, knowing that there are good doctors out there who aren't just reciting facts from their psychology textbooks.

[lostpup]

Originally Posted by keeprolling

It really depends on the psychiatrist and what you take away from each session. For me, I consider myself lucky because Zoloft really helped me move to a less depressed state but I use my therapist as mainly as an anchor because she's seen where I have been and where I want to be and has given me techniques on how to get there. Now, I don't follow a lot of her advice but for me it's really about being able to talk to someone about all my experiences without judgement and to get positive feedback from it.
I probably wouldn't be here today without my psychiatrist though because I really needed the medication boost upwards to at least have a more playing field (I'm in college too and boy is it rough trying to juggle all of it). I was also sleeping 21 hours a day and barely functioning so ya know there is that too. (Also, your psychiatrist sounds really harsh and I probably would have stopped seeing them really fast).
But yes, my approach to therapy is more like, what are you hoping to get out of it? Because I find therapy more like a tutor in the aspects that they'll give you techniques and explain things out to you but they can't make you understand it for yourself. There are also a lot of self help books for depression if you're considering other options but sometimes forcing yourself to read them can become difficult.

Chemicals on the other hand are a lot more of a try-and-try-again but I can say that my medication really helped me.

Best of luck!

Thanks for sharing
It's true that seeing a psychologist is like having a tutor give you advice. The only problem is that sometimes I find it almost impossible to follow their advice. For example my most recent psychologist has been trying to root out the source of my anxiety/depression and has been giving tips on how to cope and change for the better. She told me to stand up more for myself and express myself more honestly in my family. However, in my family if I go against or disagree with my parents, there's an 80% chance that an argument will occur which involves lots of yelling, angry faces and hurtful comments. I think I'd much rather lose some freedom of expression at home if it maintains the peace... Well, I'm actually contradicting myself because I've already promised my parents to do as the doctors say... Argh... :S
But my parents got pretty upset when I told them that my psychologist says that I should live like a cat and try not to feel so obligated to my parents... so I guess there's that too xS

I apologise for the long rant... I just felt so frustrated with myself haha. But seriously, thanks for sharing. I'm still going through self-help books but haven't found one that really helped.

I'm glad you managed to get better though! Cheers to you

[lostpup]

Originally Posted by George H.

Only the good ones do Unfortunately there seem to be a lot more bad ones than good ones. Of course it's a 2 way street and most of the burden of "getting better" is on you but still... a good therapist can be handy. It does sound as if your anxiety and depression are out of control. Prozac doesn't seem to be working for you to put it gently. I don't feel I know you well enough to say much more. Hope things get better soon. It's very possible it will get much better.

Thank you so much for sharing
I'm seriously considering changing my medication. I don't think I can cope with all the nightmares much longer, but I will still try to hold out for a few months because the advice given from my doctor was that it requires at least 6 months for the results to show.

Good and bad therapists... I guess it's as you've said, it really is a two-way street. The therapists has to try to adapt to the client's needs... and the client has to try his best to utilise the help given and recover.

In the end, it's pretty hard to find a good therapist, so either we'll have to hope to land a good one, or just make do with whoever is treating you.

Thank you for your well wishes too

[Idiot17]

NO, they don't help. not the ok ones nor the bad ones.

I might raise a few eyebrows if I say this, but I think that having a sound and great relationship(s) with friends and family can help a lot more than the "professionals" can. At least that's my opinion.

I have gone to the professionals myself and none were any help. Some were pretty bad. I've had free counseling and they were the worst. I suppose I needed the professionals because my family life is not great, or practically non-existent. Also I don't have much in the line of real good friends. Sometimes making friends is very difficult.