I love being here. It's like a really comfortable armchair. You all understand.

I probably think too much, but isolation and living in my own head tends to do that to a person.

I don't know if you feel this way, but depression (perhaps before you even recognize it as such) is a little like silently screaming at the top of your lungs. I remember being almost unable to physically talk about it....not because of any stigma, but because I really didn't know what to say. It started out as a thought that it was a sadness that didn't go away. Telling my husband pretty much got me a pat on the head and a "cheer up" (metaphorically, of course. In reality neither of us had a clue as to what I was dealing with). When things got worse, I simply didn't feel like talking about it. Most certainly I didn't have it in me to see a doctor.

I have concluded that many people with depression can't reach out and so it simply gets worse and worse.

Perhaps every house should be issued a flag to put in the window, just in case of mental slippage....I could have managed that, perhaps. A request for help. Part of an emergency kit stored next to the band-aids and asprin. A plea for someone competent to come into my house and take me to a doctor. Someone to ignore me when I (inevitably) said "no, I'll be okay. It was a mistake". Someone to fill my prescriptions and make me take them until I was able to do so myself.
Just a thought....

BTW: Eventually, I wrote to my husband (talking just seemed like too much of an effort) telling him that I didn't want to be here any more. I didn't want to die, but the pain was so great that I couldn't think of another way to escape it.

Anyway, thanks to this forum. And consider my flag idea.....(off to write to the President)

[Petra5ed]

I think you're right about depression making it harder to reach out. If I said what I was thinking I'd just feel more guilty and like more of a drain on people than I am already. I told my boyfriend when I was really depressed that I didn't want to keep getting up every morning for this, and it just made me look crazy and made him resent me probably.

Most countries have social programs like you suggest, because like you say if depression is not wanting to get out of bed then how can it be treated without some help. It's too bad the usa is such a heap right now.

[mulan]

Reaching out for help is realy hard, but we made it, and it may seem that things.can go better this way. But you have someone to listen to it. I hate to talk like people about how I feel, just my way of seeing things embarassed myself. I can't go around saying I am fading everyday that goes by, the world just seems that its not here, and I'm not sure about myself or anyone else. I think that reaching for help can be painful. But that times I "slap" myself and say. Do this instead don't hear to the thoughts that makes you want your head in the said, to the instinct that makes you smile and say everything is ok, when you don't know already what is wrong with you and why are you like this. It is very painful to talk about in my case at least...everything in your head knows that it will get worst, you're looking to the future and you think if you continue to walk this way there will be no future. I still don't know if someday it will turn to a good one. But you know that first and only people that can realy healp you is your own. But in the long path you know that you have people that cares for you and understand how you feel. I'm to much complicated to understand when you look from outside. I know it, and the ones who can realize that just will do it if you let yourself go. I know that my sister can understand me better right now. And its way better to have someone to calm you down when you're escaping reality. I think for people that feels way to heavy to do some little thing to take care of your own and that sometimes find it hard just to raise an hand pushing your self to do things that will make you feel bad in that time. You have to look inside you and see what in you're past you wanted and what you don't want for you future. It feels good knowing you're not alone. But I think what makes you feel realy good is knowing that people cares, and that you can always search for an hugh or an open understanding smile. Days are just to hard to being lived on your own.

I'm glad you were able to write to your husband. I often find it difficult to say anything about my depression asides from the fact that I feel empty and ready to crumple into myself. In fact, I was trying to write a slam poem about depression and literally no words would come out :/

But I'm glad you feel so comfortable here It's awesome! And is there a depression flag? We should make one and I'll hang it in my window or something

And reaching out for help is difficult because I hate asking for help. I didn't want to bother anyone and I didn't realize anything was really wrong with me until I just stopped caring about literally anything and then yeah I was already too far in the rabbit hole to even make grabby hands at the sky. I had to wait for someone to drag me out a bit until I could finally see a bit of sunlight and then moan and groan and make a feeble attempt upward.